Tour de France 2015: And the Sense of Wonder jersey goes to Carlton Kirby

View From the Sofa: Tour de France Eurosport/ITV 4

Here’s something I bet you didn’t know: “Kernel of Truth” and “Sense of Wonder” are both paint colours. Honestly. They are both a kind of yellow and other than the names and the fact that Sense is slightly grubbier-looking than Kernel, there is little to separate the two. It highlights two facts: paint colour namers have too much time on their hands and life is full of choices.

Such as with the Tour de France. Both Eurosport and ITV received the same feed of pictures, so you’d think it wouldn’t matter which one you watched over the past three weeks. But there were two distinct options: the wrong one, or Eurosport.

Sure, ITV have David “Eeyore” Millar, the morose former cyclist who still talks about himself as a pro racer in the present tense. Before Saturday’s final competitive stage, which culminated in the climb up the mythical Alpe d’Huez, he gave an overview of the ascent and rather than divulge the highlights of the 21 hairpins, he made it all about him. “This still haunts me,” he droned, before talking about how he failed to last the distance one year.

And it is difficult to detract from their commentators. They call things like reporters from 1950s pulp fiction flicks – “Jus’ the facts, ma’am” – which is fine. But they are missing something. And that something is Carlton Kirby.

Eurosport’s main cycling man does have his critics, with his plays on words and made-up language. But those nay-sayers are clearly humourless. When you are calling a three- or four-hour stint of men on bikes, a little colour is necessary. And Kirby, with his stream-of-consciousness commentary, has the technicolor ability to burrow himself into a nonsensical dead end then navigate his way out – often in the same sentence.

As Nairo Quintana negotiated his way through the rambunctious crowd up Alpe d’Huez, Kirby said: “Quintana he is a diminutive figure but a big powerhouse and there is a … leprechaunic figure leaping up and down offering him encouragement.”

Or as the riders found a space through Dutch Corner, somehow avoiding the orange-clad flag-wavers who had clearly enjoyed a drink or two: “They are tanked up and ready to give vent. But the tanks of the cyclists are empty.”

Apart from the flippant toying with language, Kirby gets emotionally involved with the race. As Quintana made it to the top in second place, having spent the final winding, lung-busting 13 kilometres up the side of a mountain trying and narrowly failing to make up time and wrest the yellow jersey from Chris Froome, Kirby’s voice cracked as he shouted: “Brave effort from Quintana ... the emotions, rising up for everyone ... what a great performance for him ... credit to him in every single way.” It was spine-tingling.

Kirby was silent for a few seconds, admitting on his return that he had to “gather himself”, before calling in Froome as a “worthy winner” of the Tour de France champion’s yellow jersey. Or, if you prefer, the Kernel of Truth jersey.