Champions League quarter-finals: Which team should you support based on your personality after Premier League teams crash out?

Are you a hipster, narcissist or champagne socialist? We have the answer.

Tom Sheen
Tuesday 14 April 2015 15:26 BST
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(Getty Images)

English clubs have taken a hammering from Europe's elite this season.

Liverpool didn't make it past the group stage, Chelsea somehow failed to beat Paris Saint-Germain at home despite playing against 10 men for 90 minutes and Arsenal did Arsenal things.

On Wednesday night, Manchester City were outclassed away to Barcelona making leaving zero English teams in the final eight of the competition.

Chelsea (above) and Arsenal (below) both fell at the last-16 stage (Getty Images)

Despite there being no teams in Friday's draw, we can't very well turn our eyes away from the the most prestigious competition in Europe just because our teams aren't in amongst it.

Therefore we've devised a handy guide to help you select your team for the rest of the tournament.

It's done on personality type so please be honest with yourself.

(GETTY IMAGES)

WHO SHOULD I SUPPORT?

Hipster: Porto

You ride around town on your single speed 'fixie' drinking your gourmet coffee with a big bushy beard, top knot, rolled up chinos with no socks and sleeved tattoos on each arm. Every breath you take you are sticking it to 'the man', especially when you pop in for that £4 bowl of cereal on Brick Lane and post the results to social media.

You're picking Porto because Borussia Dortmund, darlings of the thinking football fan are out. Julen Lopetegui's (who?) team are that dangerous dark horse that no one knows anything about except from playing video games.

"Yea, that Jackson Martinez, great finishing ability and lighting quick," you'll tell your awestruck friends. "Watch out for Yacine Brahimi and Cristian Tello on the wings; Ricardo Quaresma can still do a job."

Your favourite player, Jackson Martinez (GETTY IMAGES)

Geek: Bayern Munich

Never mind goals, silky skills or crunching tackles, football is better watched through a spreadsheet; pass completion and total duels won are what gets you going.

Well, you're in luck. Pep Guardiola's team are an analytical head's dream, passing the ball more than any team in Europe, completing a whopping 88 per cent of their passes and having an average of 70 per cent possession in their matches.

Pep Guardiola passes teams into submission (GETTY IMAGES)

Nouveau Riche: Paris Saint-Germain

If you spend money like it's going out of fashion then look no further. Most teams would baulk/laugh at a £50million offer for David Luiz (he has the odd decent game, as Chelsea fans will know), but not PSG. You'll stop at nothing to reach the very top and get what you want, Financial Fair Play/interest charges be damned.

£50million centre-back David Luiz (AFP/GETTY)

Tax dodger: AS Monaco

If you like all of the above but don't like to moan about whopping levels of top-rate tax, then settle with the Principality. Teams from Guernsey and Jersey aren't getting in the Champions League any time soon.

Traditionalist: Juventus

Once upon a time, Italian teams were the most feared in Europe, playing a hard brand of defensive football dotted with more than enough quality to hit you on the counter - that's if they ever wanted to attack in the first place.

But while Serie A used to be the world's best league, it's now below La Liga, the Premier League and the Bundesliga, with only three Italian teams allowed in the competition.

An Italian team hasn't won the competition since Mourinho's Inter in 2010, if you want a return to the old days then the Old Lady is your choice.

Juventus have dominated Serie A in recent seasons but are yet to transfer that form to Europe (Getty Images)

Champagne socialist: Barcelona

In public you talk about your left wing, republican roots that represent the wants and needs of the people. You just want to do what's fair and just.

It doesn't matter that in private you are facing a court charge for tax fraud or that you have signed a huge sponsorship deal with oil-rich Sheiks.

Anarchy!

Barcelona have a pretty strong front three... (Getty Images)

Narcissist: Real Madrid

Some people would baulk at the prospect of supporting a team that have it all - more European Cup wins than any other club, a record 32 national titles and the ability to break the world record transfer fee on the regular.

But you, you just want to win. They may not be playing their best football at the moment but a team worth in excess of £3bn must get it right sooner rather than later.

Stop moaning, Real Madrid fans (GETTY IMAGES)

The younger sibling: Atletico Madrid

You've lived in the shadow of your better looking, richer and more successful older sibling for far too long. Even when you pip them and win a title of real meaning, upsetting a long held hegemony in the process, the older sibling just comes back and goes one better by winning a bigger, shinier trophy.

Atletico's La Liga triump already seems long forgotten (GETTY IMAGES)

Well enough's enough. It's time to start taking you seriously, even if you are seen as an afterthought.

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