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The Baconator, according to its maker, US fast-food chain Wendy’s, is “not just a sandwich, but a bacon lovers’ dream”. It’s also 940 calories, around half a man’s recommended daily intake in a single sandwich.
But in a moment of very un-American marketing modesty, what it doesn’t mention is that the half-pound sandwich, with added American cheese, is such stuff as American footballing dreams are made on.
Until last season, Washington Redskins tight end Niles Paul would regularly call by Wendy’s to collect at least one such item on his way home from training. Then the team brought in one of the American capital’s best known fine dining chefs, Jon Mathieson, to transform the canteen. Now Paul and his team-mates eat baked chicken, rice and black-eyed peas. And they have lost their last four matches in a row, with only a solitary win from six all season.
This weekend in Washington is “Alumni Homecoming Weekend”, when the Redskins play in retro kit and their glorious veterans are paraded before the game. The men who won three Super Bowls in the 1980s and early 90s, eating Maccy D’s at lunch, smoking cigarettes and drinking large amounts of whiskey.
NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 seasonShow all 130 1 /130NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Seattle Seahawks 28 Green Bay Packers 22 Jermaine Kearse celebrates the overtime touchdown that sent the Seahawks to the Super Bowl.
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Seattle Seahawks 28 Green Bay Packers 22 Aaron Rodgers Packers had lead 16-0 at half-time but the home side fought back.
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season New England Patriots 45 Indianapolis 7 LeGarette Blount run for 148 yards and three touchdowns against the hapless Colts.
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season New England Patriots 45 Indianapolis 7 Darrelle Revis returns an interception during the dominant win, one of two thrown by Andrew Luck.
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Seattle Seahawks 31 Carolina Panthers 17 Richard Sherman intercepts a pass from Panthers quarterback Cam Newton - one of two thrown
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season New England Patriots 35 Baltimore Ravens 31 Patriots players surround wide receiver Julian Edelman after he threw a touchdown with his first ever pass attempt
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Green Bay Packers 26 Dallas Cowboys 21 Aaron Rodgers fought through an injured left calf to bring the Packers back against the Cowboys
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Denver Broncos 13 Indianapolis Colts 24 Peyton Manning was terrible against the Colts - is this the end of the road for one of the best ever?
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Dallas Cowboys 24 Detroit Lions 20 Terrance Williams caught two touchdowns as the Cowboys fought back from a 13-point deficit
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Indianapolis Colts 26 Cincinnati Bengals 10 Boom Herron runs for the Colts as the Benglas lost their fourth play-off game in a row
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Pittsburgh Steelers 17 Baltimore Ravens 30 Joe Flacco was superb as the Ravens surprised their bitter rivals with a dominant victory on the road
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Carolina Panthers 27 Arizona Cardinals 16 Cam Newton and the Carolina Panthers took advantage of the injury-hit Cardinals to set up a meeting with Seattle
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Washington Redskins 17 Dallas Cowboys 44 DeMarco Murray set a single-season rushing record for the Dallas Cowboys, overtaking Emmitt Smith on his way to 1,845 yards
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Baltimore Ravens 20 Cleveland Browns 10 Torrey Smith had a big day as the Ravens secured their spot in the play-offs with a win
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Pittsburgh Steelers 27 Cincinnati Bengals 17 Antonio Brown scored two touchdowns as the Pittsburgh Steelers secured their place in the post-season
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Atlanta Falcons 3 Carolina Panthers 34 Tre Boston somersaults into the endzone as the Panthers secured a play-off spot with the win - Falcons coach Mike Smith has now been sacked
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Miami Dolphins 24 New York Jets 37 Popular head coach Rex Ryan led his Jets team to a win on his final game in charge - he was sacked after six years
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Arizona Cardinals 6 Seattle Seahawks 35 Marshawn Lynch breaks away for a brilliant 79-yard touchdown as the Seattle Seahawks dominated their divisional rivals
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Oakland Raiders 26 Buffalo Bills 24 Derek Carr threw two touchdown passes as the Raiders recorded just their third win of the season against Buffalo
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Pittsburgh Steelers 20 Kansas City Chiefs 12 Antonio Brown had a big day for the Steelers as they clinched a play-off berth
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Chicago Bears 14 Detroit Lions 20 Joique Bell scored a late touchdown as the Lions clinched just their second post-season spot in 15 years
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Carolina Panthers 17 Cleveland Browns 13 Cam Newton and the Carolina Panthers kept their play-off hopes alive with a tight victory over the Browns
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season San Diego Chargers 10 Denver Broncos 22 Peyton Manning overcame a thigh injury and illness to clinch the AFC West title for the Denver Broncos
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season New England Patriots 41 Miami Dolphins 13 New England Patriots quarter-back Tom Brady guided his team to a sixth straight AFC East title
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Cleveland Browns 0 Cincinnati Bengals 30 Johnny Manziel finished with 10 of 18 for 80 yards and two interceptions while being sacked three times
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Philadelphia Eagles 27 Dallas Cowboys 38 Dallas Cowboys running-back DeMarco Murray scored two running touchdowns
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Denver Broncos 24 Buffalo Bills 17 CJ Anderson scores a rushing touchdown for the Broncos in the win over the Bills
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Philadelphia Eagles 14 Seattle Seahawks 24 Russell Wilson led the Seahawks to victory over the Eagles
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Cleveland Browns 24 Indianapolis Colts 25 Andrew Luck scored a rushing touchdown and led the Colts to a comeback 25-24 victory over the Browns
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Cincinnati Bengals 21 Pittsburgh Steelers 42 Martavos Bryant caught a 94-yard touchdown pass from Ben Roethlisberger to record the longest scoring play of the season
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Buffalo Bills 38 New York Jets 3 Anthony Dixon runs in a 30-yards touchdown for the Bills
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Buffalo Bills 38 New York Jets 3 Michael Vick is sacked by Kyle Williams
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Buffalo Bills 38 New York Jets 3 A fan is tackled by a security member during a pitch invasion in the third quarter
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Baltimore Ravens 34 New Orleans Saints 27 Marques Colston loses control of the ball as he is tackled by Will Hill
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Justin-Forsett.jpg Justin Forsett celebrates after running in a touchdown
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Denver Broncos 39 Miami Dolphins 36 Emmanuel Sanders is hit by Louis Delmas during the Broncos' narrow win over the Dolphins
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season New England Patriots 34 Detroit Lions 9 Tom Brady roars with delight as he leads the New England Patriots to a resounding win over the Detroit Lions
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season New York Giants 28 Dallas Cowboys 31 Dez Bryant caught two touchdown passes from Tony Romo during Dallas' win over the New York Giants
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Philadelphia Eagles 43 Tennessee Titans 24 Dexter McCluster runs during the Tennessee Totans heavy defeat to the Philadelphia Eagles
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Oakland Raiders 24 Kansas City Chiefs 20 Khali Mack tackles Chiefs quarter-back Alex Smith
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Oakland Raiders 24 Kansas City Chiefs 20 James Jones catches the match-winning touchdown pass
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Oakland Raiders 24 Kansas City Chiefs 20 Derek Carr calls the shots as he guided the Raiders to a first win of the season
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Kansas City Chiefs 24 Seattle Seahawks 20 Jamaal Charles ran in two touchdowns for the Chiefs as they stopped the defending Super Bowl champions
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season St Louis Rams 22 Denver Broncos 7 Shaun Hill inspired the St Louis Rams to victory over the Denver Broncos
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season New England Patriots 42 Indianapolis Colts 20 Rob Gronkowski scored the final touchdown in the victory over the Detroit Lions
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Tampa Bay Bucaneers 27 Washington Redskins 7 Mike Evans led the Tampa Bay Bucaneers to victory over the Washington Redskins
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Green Bay Packers 53 Philadelphia Eagles 20 Eddie Lacy attempts to charge over the Philadelphia Eagles defence
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Philadelphia Eagles 45 Carolina Panthers 21 Philadelphia Eagles defensive end Vinny Curry charges down Cam Newton
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Philadelphia Eagles 45 Carolina Panthers 21 Mark Sanchez picked up the win on his first start for the Eagles
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Philadelphia Eagles 45 Carolina Panthers 21 Darren Sproles returns a punt for a touchdown
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Green Bay Packers 55 Chicago Bears 17 Aaron Rodgers has words with the Bears defence - he tied a Green Bay record by throwing six touchdown passes
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Seattle Seahawks 38 New York Giants 17 Marshawn Lynched is tackled on a day he rushed for a season-high 140 yards and four touchdowns
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Arizona Cardinals 31 St Louis Rams 14 Patrick Peterson returns an interception for a touchdown in the fourth quarter - one of three the Cardinals scored in the final period to come from behind and win
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Oakland Raiders 17 Denver Broncos 41 Peyton Manning threw five touchdowns in less than 17 minutes to send the Raiders to their 15th straight defeat
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Tampa Bay Buccaneers 17 Atlanta Falcons 27 Julio Jones caught eight passes for 119 yards as the Falcons beat their NFC South rivals
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season New York Jets 20 Pittsburgh Steelers 13 Michael Vick threw two touchdowns for the Jets
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season New Orleans Saints 24 San Francisco 49ers 27 Colin Kaepernick's 51-yard pass on fourth down sent the 49ers to overtime, where Phil Dawson kicked the winning field goal
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Jacksonville Jaguars 17 Dallas Cowboys 31 Dez Bryant made six catches for 158 yards, scoring two touchdowns at Wembley
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Detroit Lions 20 Miami Dophins 16 Theo Riddick catches a late touchdown pass from Matt Stafford as Detroit won another thriller
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Buffalo Bills 13 Kansas City Chiefs 17 Chiefs quarterback Alex Smith runs in what proved to be the decisive touchdown
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Baltimore Ravens 21 Tennessee Titans 7 Justin Forsett ran for 112 yards and scored two touchdowns in a dominant Ravens win
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Cincinnati Bengals 3 Cleveland Browns 24 Browns quarter-back Brian Hoyer celebrates a touchdown
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Cincinnati Browns 24 Cleveland Browns 3 Adam Jones #24 of the Cincinnati Bengals tackles Ben Tate #44 of the Cleveland Browns
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Pittsburgh Steelers 43 Baltimore Ravens 23 Ben Roethlisberger added six more touchdowns to his tally against his divisional rivals
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Cincinnati Bengals 33 Jacksonville Jaguars 23 Jeremy Hill ran for a career-high 154 yards in the win over the Jacksonville Jaguars
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Arizona Cardinals 24 Philadelphia Eagles 20 Arizona Cardinals celebrate John Brown's match-winning 75-yard touchdown
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Pittsburgh Steelers 51 Indianapolis Colts 34 Ben Roethlisberger threw for 522-yards, the joint-fourth most in a single match in NFL history
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season New York Jets 23 Buffalo Bills 43 Kyle Orton laid on four touchdown passes for the Buffalo Bills in their victory over the New York Jets
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Atlanta Falcons 21 Detroit Lions 22 Matt Prater kicks the game-winning field goal as time expired at Wembley
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Denver Broncos 35 San Diego Chargers 21 Broncos receiver Emmanuel Sanders catches the first of three touchdown passes as Denver beat their AFC West Rivals San Diego
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Denver Broncos 35 San Diego Chargers 21 Sanders leaps between two defenders to haul in another score at Mile High Stadium
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Denver Broncos 35 San Diego Chargers 21 Peyton Manning waves to the crowd after the win, a game in which he extended his record as the NFL's record touchdown passer
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Pittsburgh Steelers 30 Houston Texans 23 Le'Veon Bell catches a two-yard pass for a touchdown
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Pittsburgh Steelers 30 Houston Texans 23 Ben Roethlisberger seeks out a wide receiver during the win over the Houston Texans
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Pittsburgh Steelers 30 Houston Texans 23 Antonio Brown looks to run free under the attentions of the Texans defence
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Pittsburgh Steelers 30 Houston Texans 23 Martavis Bryant celebrates after scoring a touchdown for the Steelers
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Denver Broncos 42 San Francisco 49ers 17 Peytonm Manning walks off the field following the Denver Broncos victory over the San Francisco 49ers
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Dallas Cowboys 31 New York Giants 21 Dallas Cowboys running-back DeMarco Murray broke Jim Brown's 56-year-old NFL record with his seventh straight 100-yard rushing game
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season San Diego Chargers 20 Kansas City Chiefs 23 Cairo Santos kicks the match-winning field-goal in the Kansas City Chief's victory over the San Diego Chargers
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Oakland Raiders 13 Arizona Cardinals 24 Carson Palmer threw two touchdowns on his return to Oakland as the Raiders fell to their 12th straight defeat
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Washington Redskins 19 Tennessee Titans 17 Colt McCoy came off the bench for the second half to lead Washington to a win over the Titans
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season St Louis Rams 28 Seattle Seahawks 26 Chris Givens of the St. Louis Rams makes a catch against Marcus Burley of the Seattle Seahawks
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Jacksonville Jaguars 24 Cleveland Browns 6 Allen Robinson weaves his way to the game's first touchdown - the Jaguars dominated on their way to a first win of the season
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Indianapolis Colts 27 Cincinnati Bengals 0 Ahmed Bradshaw celebrates during the Colts win over the Bengals - the first time they have gone scoreless since December 2009
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Green Bay Packers 38 Carolina Panthers 17 Wide receiver Randall Cobb celebrates with Packers fans during the win at Lambeau Field
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Detroit Lions 24 New Orleans Saints 23 The Lions came back from 13 points down with less than four minutes to play to shock the Saints
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Chicago Bears 14 Miami Dolphins 27 Dolphins QB Ryan Tannehill threw for almost 300 yards , completing 25 of 32 passes in an excellent win over the Bears
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Buffalo Bills 17 Minnesota Vikings 16 Bills players celebrate with Sammy Watkins after he caught a game-winning touchdown with just a second left
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Baltimore Ravens 29 Atlanta Falcons 7 Ravens linebacker Elivs Dumervil sacks Matt Ryan during a dominant performance for the home side
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season New England Patriots 27 New York Jets 25 Jets kicker Nick Folk has his last-second field goal, that would have won the game, blocked
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Philadelphia Eagles 27 New York Giants 0 LeSean McCoy enjoyed a season-high 149 rushing yards during the Eagles' shutout of the Giants
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Dallas Cowboys 30 Seattle Seahawks 23 Tony Romo inspired the Cowboys to a shock victory over the reigning Super Bowl champions Seattle
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Chicago Bears 27 Atlanta Falcons 13 Jay Cutler, embracing Matt Ryan, threw for almost 400 yards in a dominant display by the Bears in Georgia
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Washington Redskins 20 Arizona Cardinals 30 Carson Palmer returned after five games out to lead the Cardinals to another victory
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season San Diego Chargers 31 Oakland Raiders 28 Branden Oliver scored a late touchdown to sent Oakland, who had been leading by seven in the fourth quarter, to their 11th straight defeat
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Jacksonville Jaguars 14 Tennessee Titans 16 The Titans blocked what would have been a game-winning field goal in the dying seconds to keep the Jags winless
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Baltimore Ravens 31 Tampa Bay Buccaneers 17 Joe Flacco became the fastest man to score five touchdowns in a game - he had four in the first quarter and one just after
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Denver Broncos 31 New York Jets 17 Peyton Manning threw three touchdown passes in the victory over the Jets to move two short of Brett Favre's career touchdown record
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Detroit Lions 17 Minnesota Vikings 3 Joquie Bell runs in for a short score but it was Detroit's defence that dominated this game
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Green Bay Packers 27 Miami Dolphins 24 Aaron Rodgers' fake spike allowed Green Bay to score a game-winning touchdown in the dying seconds
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Pittsburgh Steelers 10 Cleveland Browns 31 Browns quarterback Brian Hoyer was superb as Cleveland surprisingly beat their AFC North rivals
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Carolina Panthers 37 Cincinnati Bengals 37 Mike Nugent missed a last-second field goal that would have won the game for the Bengals as they played out a thrilling match in the first draw of the season
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season New England Patriots 37 Buffalo Bills 22 Tom Brady celebrates with Brandon LaFell after finding his wide receiver for a touchdown
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Indianapolis Colts 33 Houston Texans 28 Andrew Luck and Sergio Brown celebrate the Indianapolis Colts' victory over AFC South rivals the Houston Texans
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season San Diego Chargers 31 New York Jets 0 Philip Rivers inspired the San Diego Chargers to a 31-0 shutout of the New York Jets
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Cleveland Browns 29 Tennessee Titans 28 Travis Benjamin caught a 6-yard touchdown pass from Brian Hoyer to complete the Cleveland Browns' comeback against the Tennessee Titans
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Dallas Cowboys 20 Houston Texans 17 Dan Bailey kicks the game-winning for the Dallas Cowboys in their overtime win against the Houston Texans
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season New York Giants 30 Atlanta Falcons 20 Odell Beckham Jr celebrates scoring the match-winning touchdown on his debut for the New York Giants
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Green Bay Packers 42 Minnesota Vikings 10 Eddie Lacy rushed for 105 yards and two touchdowns as the Packers routed their NFC North rivals
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Green Bay Packers 42 Minnesota Vikings 10 Defensive end Julius Peppers intercepted a pass and ran it 56 yards for a touchdown
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Kansas City Chiefs 41 New England Patriots 14 Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Alex Smith begins a play threw for three touchdowns
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Kansas City Chiefs 41 New England Patriots 14 On his return from injury running back Jamaal Charles scored one rushing and two catchind touchdowns
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Dallas Cowboys 38 New Orleans 17 Tony Romo looked close to his best as the Cowboys dominated the Saints in Texas
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season San Francisco 49ers 26 Philadelphia Eagles 21 Frank Gore had more than 100 yards rushing and also a 55-yard touchdown catch as the 49ers narrowly beat the Eagles
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Minnesota Vikings 41 Atlanta Falcons 28 Rookie quarterback Teddy Bridgewater rushed for two touchdowns and threw for 300 yards on his first NFL start; though he did hurt his ankle late on
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season San Diego Chargers 33 Jacksonville Jaguars 14 Philip Rivers threw just shy of 400 yards and three touchdowns against the Jags
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Pittsburgh Steelers 24 Tampa Bay Buccaneers 27 Vincent Jackson scored a last-second touchdown for the Bucs to win their first game of the season
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Oakland Raiders 14 Miami Dolphins 38 Cortland Finnegan celebrates after recovering a fumble in the Dolphins' rout of the Raiders at Wembley
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season New York Jets 17 Detroit Lions 24 Matthew Stafford celebrates a rushing touchdown - he threw two more - as the Lions won despite injury to Calvin Johnson
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Indianapolis Colts 41 Tennessee Titans 17 Andrew Luck had another huge day for the Colts with 393 yards and four touchdowns
NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Houston Texans 23 Buffalo Bills 17 Defensive end JJ Watt on his way to a touchdown after intercepting EJ Manuel's pass
NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Chicago Bears 17 Green Bay Packers 38 Aaron Rodgers threw more than 300 yards and four touchdowns in a massive win at Soldier Field
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Baltimore Ravens 38 Carolina Panthers 10 Steve Smith had a huge day against his former team, with two touchdowns and 139 yards
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Washington Redskins 14 New York Giants 45 Eli Manning celebrates a rushing touchdown - he threw for three more in the massive win
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Chicago Bears 27 New York Jets 19 Wide receiver Alshon Jeffery of the Chicago Bears is tackled by free safety Antonio Allen of the New York Jets
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Pittsburgh Steelers 37 Carolina Panthers 19 Leveon Bell ran more than 100 yards for the Steelers who fought back to beat Carolina
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Kansas City Chiefs 34 Miami Dolphins 15 Alex Smith threw three touchdowns as the Chiefs beat the lacklustre Dolphins, who play in London in Week Four
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Baltimore Ravens 23 Cleveland Browns 21 Justin Tucker kicked a field goal in the dying seconds for the Ravens to steal a win over their rivals
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Houston Texans 17 New York Giants 30 Rashad Jennings rushed for a career-high 176 yards in an excellent performance by the Giants
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NFL - The best pictures from the 2014 season Minnesota Vikings 9 New Orleans Saints 20 Drew Brees threw just shy of 300 yards in a routine win for the Saints
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Though the sport leads where all other sports will follow in terms of global expansion, in diet it lags behind. The Redskins are among the first to suddenly take it seriously, and the results are woeful. How depressing it must be to deprive oneself all week and get destroyed at the weekend anyway.
The Redskins canteen is an extraordinary operation. Mathieson arrives by 5am, and by 6am his machines are in motion, churning out 12 stone or more of chicken and fish. After training, players find “recovery smoothies” waiting for them outside their lockers, which are probably not what they want to see at the end of another comprehensive drubbing.
One of the stories told about Harry Redknapp’s instantly rejuvenating arrival at bottom-of-the-league Tottenham in 2008 was that he plonked a bottle of ketchup on the table and told them: “You can eat what you like”. In the interest purely of science, this column wonders if, for one week only, the poor Redskins might bring back the Baconator.
What is the worst that can happen?
Bring on the Ebola-safe non-contact gridiron game
With an average weight of around 22st 7lb, the Redskins’ offensive line is almost a full stone lighter than the Dallas Cowboys, but that’s before the men from America’s Ebola capital have started haemorrhaging their internal organs.
Such is the irrational fear engulfing the US of a disease that has thus far claimed a solitary life in a country of 319m that the New York Giants have been issued fear-abating guidance by NFL officials ahead of their game in Dallas this weekend. It consists chiefly of the fact they are statistically more likely to ditch in the Hudson River shortly after take-off than to return with the dreaded disease. In a bit of gentle joshing, Giants owner Steve Tisch claimed the poor Cowboys “are going to get it first”, which would, he said, “be to our advantage”.
Perhaps, but only in the short term. Not even Joe Montana’s 49ers managed to win a game without making any contact whatsoever with the opposition, and the line of scrimmage could hardly be a more perfect environment for rapid virus dispersal, transforming the once mighty NFL into a tragic zoo of coughing, sweating panthers and lions and jaguars and eagles and ravens and seahawks and dolphins and all the others we can’t remember.
So far, the league’s guidance has stopped disappointingly short of recommending fully non-contact football, which would have been quite the spectacle.
This column hopes that, before long, in the world’s great incubator of commercialised hypochondria, Ebola-friendly gridiron will become a reality. The offensive lines crashing into one another in their anti-contamination suits, the wide receivers set off on a mad dash down the line, frantically applying the hand-sanitiser before the football can land in it, those jumping high 10s outlawed. If it could happen anywhere, it could happen there.
Albanian drone showed United fans a better way
Many a football fan will have looked on in horror at the unpleasant scenes unleashed on Serbia’s terminated match with Albania by the arrival above the pitch of a flag-dangling drone.
This column is particularly sad, though, not to have been in the company of whoever met the rather exorbitant costs of flying the “Moyes Out” light aircraft over Old Trafford near the end of last season. As United may well find out over the coming months, the most expensive solution is not necessarily the most effective.
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