Beam Me Down, Scotty

This week's random co-ordinates chosen by the computer are:

60 20' N 283 15' E

First Reaction

Now I know why all those out-of-control satellites inevitably crash into Canada. I've done it again.

COUNTRY AND REGION

Northern Quebec, about 40km inland from the frozen Hudson Bay. Not a place I would recommend at this time of year.

NATURE OF TERRAIN

Just about on the edge of the area where the boreal forest disintegrates into endless tundra. This is a low lying area broken into thousands of small lakes and waterways - at the moment, all frozen solid.

ALTITUDE

Just above sea-level

POSSIBLE HAZARDS

There's no "possible" about this one: death through severe wind-chill factor. A swift harpooning from a Cree Indian would be a kindness.

USEFUL LANGUAGES

Dialects of the local native languages might be useful, as might French, if you were fortunate enough to meet anyone. This being Quebec, English would be a serious liability.

TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER

Forget about Jean Chretian in Ottawa. Quebec premier, Lucien Bouchard is your man if you want to get out of this one.

LIKELY WEATHER CONDITIONS

You'll be lucky if the temperature tops -30 C during your stay and what's more it'll be as dark as Manchester.

REASONS FOR HANGING AROUND

In the summer there is good fishing. This isn't the summer. Head for the Hudson Bay where two of the nearest landing points are called "Mistake bay" and "Mosquito Bay". Luckily there are no mosquitoes in winter.

GETTING THE HELL OUT OF THERE

The nearest settlement of any sort is Povingnituk on the bay - it's a 60km walk to the southwest across frozen lakes and there are no cosy cafes, sorry, roads on the way. If you make it that far, expect to hole up with Indians for a few months until the ice melts.