Friendmoon: Why we should go on holiday with friends

Sophie Hines left her new husband at home – and went to couples' paradise Santorini with her friend instead

Sophie and Jo enjoying the scenic views over Santorini (Sophie Hines)

Gentle music wafts over the terrace to our candlelit table for two, overlooking a sweeping view of Santorini. Newlywed couples coo over the scenery and each other ­– this is the stuff of honeymoon dreams, after all. But it’s not my new husband I’m visiting with, but my friend Jo. I’m embracing the ‘friendmoon’: a one-on-one holiday with a friend, rather than a partner.

“But what about Sam?” several people asked before the trip, as if I’d suddenly forgotten my husband after less than a year of marriage.

I appreciate holidays with Sam, but my female friendships deserve equal time and nurture. Relationship charity Relate says that the number of people with no close friends is increasing, with one in eight adults – that’s seven million in the UK in total – saying they had none. Living in London, where busy lifestyles mean I generally see friends for a quick coffee or a rushed dinner, the risk of loneliness can be particularly acute.

Holidaying with friends is nothing new, although according to research from payment app Pingit, it’s on the rise among millennials, with almost two thirds saying they are more likely to go away with friends than they were five years ago. There’s the much-talked about ‘buddymoon’, which means inviting your friends on honeymoon with you. I’m not at that stage just yet. Instead I’m on a (equally hideously named) friendmoon, which isn’t so much a riotous group trip, rather a holiday that shows how much you value the friendship by giving it the same one-on-one attention as you would a honeymoon.

Psychotherapist and couples counsellor Hilda Burke agrees that it is “healthy and rewarding” to invest time in friendships, highlighting the drawbacks of spending all your time with one partner. “No one person can fulfil all our needs. It places undue pressure on romantic relationships. If we’ve sacrificed friendships and our partner doesn’t compensate sufficiently for that, it can lead to a lot of resentment.”

Sophie and Jo in Oia, Santorini (Sophie Hines)

There are advantages when holidaying with a female friend, ranging from the superficial (a shared interest in choosing excellent outfits for evenings at Greek tavernas) to the significant. During long conversations over fava beans and local wine, Jo and I open up in a way that’s not possible during the 30 minutes we have at Itsu, discussing everything from our university days to dreams we have for the future. It reminds me of the unique ability female friends have to offer reassurance and solidarity through shared experience, something romantic partners – no matter how wonderful – simply do not have.

“You get to delve beneath the headline stuff,” explains Burke. “It takes a couple of days to really unwind and find out what’s happening beyond the jobs, partners, kids and other ‘top line’ conversations.”

As well as reconnecting emotionally, the trip gave Jo and I the chance to influence each other’s holiday ‘style’. When we go on vacation, my husband and I normally whizz around trying to see everything at once. Jo was genuinely excited when our hotel told us “some people don’t leave the hotel once during their week’s stay here”.

A sunset selfie in Santorini (Sophie Hines)

In the end, we found a balance. Jo’s love of the sun lounger taught me to relax, and I discovered the joy of a whole afternoon switching between the infinity pool and a Kindle. When I persuaded Jo out for a Santorini tour, she admitted she was chuffed not to miss the picturesque hillside village of Oia, or the chance to taste wine created by monks at the Prophet Elias monastery.

Of course, disagreements over activities can lead to arguments. Burke says it’s important to be honest with your friend about what you want to do, enjoying time apart if necessary. “While this can cause clashes initially, it can ultimately strengthen the relationship as it deepens your understanding of each other – this is true of friends as well as partners.”

Having breakfast at Carpe Diem, Santorini (Sophie Hines)

There can also be more practical reasons for a friendmoon: if your friends like the same type of holidays you do, or if you struggle to take time off at the same time as your partner. Sophia Parviez from Expedia says: “Friendship holidays have become a trend in the last few years. For many, life is demanding and customers are grabbing the rare opportunities they have to travel. If a partner can’t make a trip, whether that’s down to work commitments, childcare costs, or simply preferring to holiday elsewhere, like-minded friends are also in the mix.”

Ultimately friendships, just like romantic relationships, require care and commitment to keep them strong. And if that means sitting on a terrace together, downing shots of raki while we gaze at the Santorini sunset – well, I’m game.

Three great hotels to visit with a friend

Hotel Pulitzer, Amsterdam

Quirky interiors make this hotel a good choice for friends (don’t worry, single beds also available) (Pulitzer Amsterdam)

Whether you’re party lovers, art admirers or simply love a good bike ride, Amsterdam has it all. The rooms here are large enough to share very comfortably, and an extensive cocktail menu is the perfect accompaniment to late night heart-to-hearts.

Rooms from £222 per night
pulitzeramsterdam.com

Carpe Diem Exclusive Boutique Resorts, Santorini

Relax in your own private pool at Carpe Diem Santorini (Carpe Diem Santorini)

For a next-level friendmoon, indulge in Santorini’s most luxurious resort. The hotel mainly caters to adults, giving you the peace and quiet on your private terrace to put the world to rights on side-by-side sun loungers.

Suites from £286 per night
carpediemsantorini.com

The Royal Crescent Hotel & Spa, Bath

Sack off the Thermae Spa for a night at Bath’s Royal Crescent Hotel (Royal Crescent)

Don’t queue for the Thermae Spa: enjoy your own at this elegant hotel situated on Bath’s most iconic street. The spa here is perfect to enjoy with a friend, whether you’re wallowing in the hallowed waters or indulging in a treatment (we recommend the Royal Crescent Signature Treatment, which incorporates a facial and back massage). Tuck into afternoon tea afterwards.

Rooms from £330 per night
royalcrescent.co.uk