Luxury spa: Danesfield House Hotel 1, Liverpool 0

Would a weekend at a luxury spa hotel be enough to tear Victoria Summerley's mother away from the big match? Read on

When I first thought of going off with my mother for a surprise weekend at a luxury hotel, it was not without a few misgivings. My mother is a trifle eccentric. Very smart (she's still lecturing though past retirement age), very together. But a trifle eccentric.

Her proudest boast is that she once rode a Russian racehorse round the Moscow Hippodrome dressed in full Highland dancing costume. She once invited the entire cast of the Sixties Gospel hit Black Nativity home for tea. And there's a whole load more where those anecdotes come from.

She also has a rather bad habit of not really listening if she thinks you're being boring or tedious.

The idea was that we would go to Danesfield House Hotel, near Marlow, in Buckinghamshire, for afternoon tea. I knew my mother would like the hotel, which is a drop-dead gorgeous neo-Gothic pile with a Grand Hall complete with baronial fireplace, a wonderful carved staircase and more crenellations than you could shake a flying buttress at.

We would have our tea and then I would announce we were actually staying the night here, in this wonderful place, and have dinner and perhaps some champagne as well. Halfway through my denouement, however, my mother's eyes glazed over in the familiar way and so she missed the bit about her staying there and having a marvellous time. (This might have had something to do with the fact that there was only one cake left and I was still on my second scone. Sure enough, when I looked a minute later, the last cake had disappeared and my mother was munching thoughtfully, with a faraway look on her face.)

We'd primed the hotel staff not to drop any hints about this surprise weekend and they were the soul of tact. In fact, I rather wished they'd shouted the arrangements in my mother's ear, since it took me about three attempts to explain the whole thing.

We were shown to our rooms ("Does she know yet?" the manager whispered on the way) and my mother had to admit they were rather nice. Each had a huge casemented bay window with leaded lights and a little door that led out onto a massive stone terrace. Below us was the formal garden, its yews and box hedges defying the howling wind and pouring rain, and beyond was the Thames stretching away towards Henley.

My mother was particularly pleased by the view. She'd sailed up that stretch of the Thames in her narrowboat, she said, so she felt quite at home. We went for a swim in the spa pool to work up a thirst for our champagne, which in turn would work up an appetite for dinner.

A hotel like Danesfield makes you realise how relaxing really good service can be. I'd booked dinner, but hadn't thought to ask in which restaurant we would be eating. This was all sorted out by Armand in the bar, who brought our drinks, told us we were eating in the Oak Room, and produced a minion with menus for us, all in the twinkling of a champagne glass.

Dinner was extremely satisfactory. We both had pumpkin soup with pheasant breast, fried ginger and langoustines, we both agreed it was excellent. My mother followed this with meltingly tender venison. The conversation bounced along like a Labrador puppy that's just been let off the lead. (One of the advantages of a mother who has several degrees is that it is unusual for her to be at a loss for something to say.) I had roasted monkfish. (Brain food, see? I'm not as stupid as I'm sure my mother sometimes thinks I am.) It was delicious.

The next morning, I announced the second part of the surprise. I had booked my mother a couple of spa treatments, I told her, and she could look forward to spending the rest of the day in a miasma of fragrant oils and scented candles, with a New Age version of Pachelbel's Canon tinkling gently in the background.

My mother fixed me with a beady eye. "Exactly what time are these spa treatments?"

"Er, well, around midday, I think. I thought we'd be able to sit and read the papers after breakfast and then go down to the spa."

A faint frown wrinkled the maternal brow. "But I wanted to see Liverpool play Leeds United, and it kicks off at midday."

It says a lot for the spa treatments that, by the time we'd finished, my mother seemed quite chilled about missing the match, even when she discovered that Emile Heskey had scored a historic double and Liverpool had beaten Leeds 0-4.

We both had the Espa Hot Stones Blissful Back, Face and Scalp Treatment, which involved exfoliation followed by a massage with essential oils. Hot stones are then placed beneath a towel under your back, in your hands and between your toes. (Yes, toes. No, I've no idea: but it's something to do with channelling the body's energy. It feels fantastic and, anyway, I was far too sleepy to listen to involved explanations.)

I'd asked for a combination of essential oils designed to promote relaxation, but in fact at the end of my treatment, I felt quite alert in a very calm, Zen sort of way. .

We also had the Espa Hot Stones Hand and Nail Treatments, which worked on a similar principle, but also involved putting your hands into a sort of electric blanket-cum-oven glove. My mother was quite delighted with these gadgets, and with the results of her treatment.

She kept waving these rather unfamiliar sleek, smooth paws under my nose, which, I have to say, was a pleasant change from the normal, half-the-garden-under-the-fingernails experience. We left Danesfield, rather reluctantly, and I dropped my mother off at my sister's house.

"I've videoed the match for you," my sister told her. "Do you want to watch it now?"

"No, no, no," said my mother impatiently. "I want to tell you all about my wonderful weekend."

I think that's what, in the world of football, they call a result.

Danesfield House Hotel and Spa (01628 891010, www.danesfieldhouse.co.uk) is on the A4155 between Marlow and Henley, 45 minutes' drive from central London. It is offering a midweek package, the Danesfield Retreat, for £230 per person, which includes two nights' accommodation (based on two sharing); English breakfast; three-course table d'hôte dinner for both nights; VAT and free use of spa facilities. People booking this offer are welcomed with a bottle of white wine, fresh flowers and home-made chocolates.