The surreal moment that I, an MP, acted in a Christmas panto

’But you speak every week in the House of Commons!’ said my better half, as we stumbled through rehearsals in the kitchen

"So you, too, can hear the magical story of an egg, once known as Humpty Dumpty!"

With my words, the stage in my hometown of Tain was instantly plunged into a sudden blackout. It was the end of my appearance in this year’s pantomime. As I fumbled towards the curtains in the pitch darkness, I did wonder if it might be also the end of me if I fell off the stage.

A few weeks ago, I was utterly charmed – more than I can adequately express – to be asked once again to take a small part in the Christmas pantomime.

"You wouldn’t think it, er, beneath your dignity, Jamie?" so I was cautiously approached by one of the mums involved in the show.

I hastily assured her that I was more than delighted and would take huge pleasure in participating in something that had been a big part of my life before I was elected as an MP. Besides, it would be hard for anyone who has played the panto dame to have any qualms about his or her role being “beneath your dignity”.

Although my words were the very first words spoken in the show, I am bound to admit that my part as the “curator of the museum” was very small indeed.

"You shouldn’t have much trouble learning only a few lines, Jamie," said the director, my old friend and staunch labour activist, Peter Whiteley. Well, how wrong he was! Those ruddy lines, all 16 of them, did cause me a bit of anxiety.

"But you speak every week in the House of Commons!" said my better half, as we stumbled through rehearsals in the kitchen. I got there in the end. I didn’t fluff my lines, I didn’t fall off the stage, and I was allowed to take a bow at the end!

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To see how the cast and the chorus of schoolchildren were so thoroughly enjoying themselves gladdened the heart. Tain, like the Highlands, like Scotland, like everywhere, has endured years of turmoil laced with fear throughout the pandemic. At the height of it, putting on a panto was unthinkable.

The pantomime is a great British Christmas tradition. It may not be to the entire world’s taste – folk in the US could find the cross-dressing aspect disconcerting; it’s not exactly MAGA-friendly. But generally speaking, panto is an institution understood and enjoyed from Glasgow to Gujarat.

Returning to the Commons this week, Tain’s “Humpty Dumpty” still rang in my ears as I gazed at the government benches opposite. Indeed, when the former prime minister Boris Johnson stood up to ask a health question, I was tempted to shout, "look behind you!"

Jamie Stone is the Scottish Liberal Democrat MP for Caithness, Sutherland and Easter Ross