Eurovision Song Contest 2015: Contestants are talentless and self-centred...I know just the Australian

Who should Australia enter into the competition?

Tony Abbott for Eurovision? (AFP)

Flaming koalas! Australia has been invited to participate in this year’s Eurovision Song Contest. Apparently they’re obsessed with the competition Down Under, so for the contest’s 60th year the country that gifted the world the dulcet tones of Kylie and Jason will be performing as a wild card entry, no matter that it lies about as far from Europe as it’s possible to get.

Not that mere geography seems to stop the rampant spread of the yearly camp-fest; the not-terribly-in-Europe Israel and Azerbaijan have been delighting us for years. So who should the Aussies put out to bat? A cursory glance at previous entries show most to be self-centred, talentless narcissists who get a kick out of embarrassing themselves in before an audience of millions. Tony Abbott it is, then.