If I were Prime Minister: My birthday would be the new Christmas, and I'd tell traffic wardens to do one

Our series in the run-up to the General Election – 100 days, 100 contributors, but no politicians – continues with the TV star

A Prime Minister needs to be genuine and kind, and I have that 100 per cent. That's me - that's Joey Essex. I’ve got a lot of swag and a big fanbase, which means I have a lot of people on my side and I'm well-liked. I'm polite too, which would help. If I was Prime Minister I wouldn’t live in Downing Street though – I’d live on the King’s Road, it’s sick.

My party would be called the Reem party, and my cabinet would be made up of all my mates, like Jake Taylor, Dan Edgar, Tom Pearce, Danny Walia and James Bennewith. We’re all from Essex, so we could definitely rule the country, we'd be a sick team. MPs need to get on more and get things done, so we'd be great

I would make my birthday - July 29th - a ‘Joey Essex Party’ day. It would be a bank holiday so everyone could have a day off, and I would give everyone a free haircut. It would be like the new Christmas, so we would have something fun to celebrate.

I would put speed cameras in shopping centres to stop people walking too slow. I'm quite a fast walker and it's annoying when people walk slowly in front of you. There would be two lanes for people to walk in, and you would get fined if you walked in the wrong one.

I would make it a criminal offence not to say 'what you saying' on the phone. You'd have to pay £3,000 if you didn't say it when you answered a call.

Joey Essex (left) with UKIP leader Nigel Farage (Getty Images)

My next policy would be that supermarkets like Tesco and Asda, or maybe even my own supermarket which I would call Joey's Supermall, would deliver anything you wanted, like a pack of chewing gum, right to your front door. Delivery would be free. Everyone would like that.

I have a lot of young fans, so I would like to make the country a better place for young people. It needs to be, because they're all great. I want to make people proud of it.

I would also get rid of parking tickets and traffic wardens - I would tell them to do one. That would make everyone happy.

I really care about the NHS and I think we should be doing more for it. I fell off my bike when I was a kid and smashed my face and teeth. It was because of the NHS that I was okay and that it was fixed, and they do that for so many people every day. We need to get more doctors and nurses, and people involved, but I don’t know where the money would come from. Every time someone says we could get rid of the parking meter in hospital car parks to save people money, we’re taking money away from something important. It’s a decision the Prime Minister would have to make, I suppose, but it’s hard to figure it out.

Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg poses for a selfie with Joey Essex (PA)

A Prime Minister needs to have qualities like trust and honesty. In terms of the current candidates, Nigel Farage is outgoing and sociable and he likes to have a laugh. Ed is a really nice guy, he loves his wife and kids and he’s definitely a family guy. Nick Clegg was on the show I did recently [Educating Joey Essex] and I like him. He’s really honest - he told me that he knows his party isn’t going to win, that might be an exclusive. David Cameron didn’t want to meet me: I was a bit gutted.