Tales from the water cooler: The ‘Pawshank Redemption’ fails

A sneaky cat was caught trying to smuggle phones into a Russian prison

(Getty Images)

The water cooler offices were rocked by a bizarre news story this week.

And, this being a periodical that is nothing if not interactive, if you want the story to really live, why not play along at home?

You will need: two mobile phones (with spare batteries and chargers)… a remote Russian prison… and one standard cat, preferably black (due to the shadowy, clandestine nature of the project and for good luck, obvs). Showing a mammoth lack of respect for the letter of the law, a cat was this week busted while trying to smuggle half the stock of a Phones 4 U outlet into the Number One Labour Camp in Russia’s Komi region.

Reports that the animal, during intense questioning by prison authorities, coughed up a furball containing an iTunes gift card were unconfirmed. Tragically, it’s not an isolated incident.

Last December, guards at a Brazilian prison spotted another feline trying to make its way into D-Wing. That time, strapped to its tummy, the animal was carrying two saws, two concrete drills, a Bluetooth headset, a memory card, a mobile phone, three batteries and a charger.

My first question is this: a Bluetooth headset? Seriously? At what point does a jailbreak go hands-free? My second question is, why use a cat? The average feline wouldn’t give you the stink from its litter tray, let alone risk its neck in some kind of half-assed Shawshank Redemption.

Me, I would have gone with a chimp, which has three things a cat will always lack – opposable thumbs and a conscience.

Twitter.com/ DonaldAMacInnes