I tried a social experiment to see if it made me happier – it’s incredibly simple and it worked

Our society is becoming increasingly divided through social media and anonymous insults, writes Lucy SM Johnston. Could a real-life experiment based on kindness and compliments be the answer?

I’m not alone in feeling increasing dread at our fractured world. Online, we are more connected than ever. Yet in reality, we are lonelier and more divided: anonymous avatars can hurl insults without consequence, and politeness and nuance seem like relics of a bygone era. As someone who hates conflict and harshness, I started to wonder what might happen if we turned this on its head.

What if we made a conscious choice to ensure that every real-life interaction we have leaves someone feeling uplifted? Not out of self-importance, but from a genuine desire to be kind – offering compliments, expressing gratitude, and acknowledging others with sincerity.

My friend Polly has always brimmed with warmth and confidence – qualities I envied deeply. She will effortlessly approach strangers in the most ordinary places – bank queues, supermarkets, even the Tube – and tell them how lovely they look. I’d always been too scared to do this, worried that my delivery would be off and I’d come across as creepy or weird, and mortify us both.

But these days, I’ve realised that seeing someone’s face light up, even for a moment, has a knock-on effect. Brain chemistry is a weird beast, after all. Studies show that complimenting others triggers the release of dopamine and oxytocin in both the receiver's and the giver’s brains. These neurotransmitters boost mood, reduce stress by lowering cortisol levels, and activate the brain’s reward system. They also strengthen neural pathways for positivity and foster social bonding and trust. I decided to be a bit more Polly.

‘I wondered how long the effects of a simple compliment last. Maybe just a minute, forgotten by lunchtime. Or maybe it becomes a small highlight of their day and something they carry with them a little longer’ (Getty)

I asked my dentist and assistant how they were and was surprised when they replied that nobody ever asked them. It made me realise how starved we all are for genuine positive human connection – even in the smallest of interactions.

This hit home when I was treated to lunch in a smart Mayfair restaurant. The waiter assigned to our table was clearly new – nervous, but lovely and trying hard. As we chatted, he told us he’d only been working there for two weeks, having switched from washing cars thanks to a well-connected cousin. I asked him who his manager was. He pointed to a slight, harassed-looking woman in a sharp suit, and fuelled by a couple of cocktails, I walked across the packed floor to speak to her. When I sang her recruit’s praises, she immediately softened, and her relief and pride were palpable. I swept back to my table, feeling just a bit more like Polly.

Later, I complimented a little girl on her cool choice of cuddly rabbit, and she proudly hugged the toy tighter. (Using neutral, enthusiasm-based language like “cool” validates kids’ choices without tying them to gendered expectations like “pretty”.)

And I took a chance with an elderly woman at the traffic lights, who was scowling in thought and wearing a stunning green embroidered dupatta. “Oh, what a lovely scarf! It’s my favourite colour!” She beamed back at me and blushed, and must have said “thank you” multiple times as we crossed the road together.

In those moments, I wondered how long the effects of a simple compliment last. Maybe just a minute, forgotten by lunchtime. Or maybe it becomes a small highlight of their day and something they carry with them a little longer.

Unless you hold a position of global power or influence, most of us can’t enact sweeping systemic change. However, that doesn’t mean we’re powerless. In a world of empty platitudes on social media, with fire emojis and heart reactions as standard, the impact vanishing in seconds, there’s something real about looking someone in the eye and telling them you like their choice of shoes or thanking them for being so thoughtful. So why not make that a part of our daily habit? I urge you to try it. It certainly made me happier.

Our power is in fostering connections that remind us we’re all human.

And wouldn’t that make the world just a bit nicer to live in?