Do the terrorists really win if we change our routines to feel safe? I'm not so sure

My friend almost went out in Paris on Friday night - but his wife stopped him, arguing he should avoid football matches because it wasn't safe after Charlie Hebdo. Sadly, it turns out that she was right

A man holds the sign of a peace symbol with the Eiffel Tower at its centre during an inter-faith vigil for the victims of the Paris attack (Reuters)

It seeps stealthily into everyday life, the fear. Where there was previously nonchalance, calm, perhaps complacency, there is now doubt, anxiety and yes even a little dread. That is what the perpetrators of the attacks in Paris really wanted. Not to mention that in Beirut, which, to our shame, scarcely got a mention by comparison.

The fear is present suddenly at a family party on Saturday when my lovely teenage nieces ask with genuine concern in their voices: “Do you think London is safe? Will it happen here next?” What to respond? Especially as their mother is a London bus driver.

My friend Jamie, who lives his life between Amsterdam and Paris, thought he knew how to answer. Back in August, he was on the Friday afternoon Thalys train between those two wonderful cities when four passengers were wounded in an unprovoked shooting and stabbing incident carried out by a suspected terrorist.

Jamie was in the nearest seat of the next carriage to the incident. He heard the commotion and stood up as the fleeing catering staff and then his brave fellow passengers, who had subdued the gunman, ran by. He was understandably shaken, but back on Thalys as soon as he was able, resuming his weekly commute.

On Friday, he had a row with his wife in Paris. He wanted to take his son to see the France v Germany friendly at the Stade de France, an idea she opposed vehemently arguing it wasn’t safe after the Charlie Hebdo and Thalys incidents etc.

Jamie – as I almost certainly would have – argued “don’t be ridiculous, of course it’s safe”; “it’s much safer now than before Thalys and before Charlie Hebdo” and “you can’t let the terrorists win” among other entirely plausible, rational arguments.

He didn’t go, of course. My mild-mannered, liberal friend is no match in an argument with his volatile Gallic partner. Sadly, she is now talking about leaving Paris to move somewhere “safer” like..?

New York felt safe to me before I moved there and lived through the life-changing, terrifying experience of the 9/11 attacks. One month before I was due to bring my family back to London for good, the 7/7 attacks happened. I’ve never been to Beirut, nor Kenya, but I have been to Madrid and Mumbai, and both Israel and Egypt, including Luxor, Dahab and Cairo - all scenes of terror attacks, as well as Sharm El Sheikh.

When and where is “safe”? Of course, U2 and other bands were right to cancel their concerts in Paris. And, of course, England v France at Wembley this Tuesday should go ahead. Life must go on, but subject to due sensitivity and subject to separation in distance, time and context from the actuality of horrific events.

But hundreds of families cannot quickly move on. Just as with 9/11 or Sharm El Sheikh or Beirut, the families and friends of those killed or injured, or whose lives and businesses are ruined or threatened, cannot “just get back to normal”. The more terror attacks there are, then more of us will have fewer degrees of separation. And I, for one, will be just that little bit more wary and sensitive to those who worry “is it safe to…?” Does that mean the terrorists win?