Why the ‘secret’ to marriage is sometimes getting a divorce

It’s hard not to love Dolly Parton’s attitude to her near-60-year marriage, but longevity isn’t always the best thing, writes Franki Cookney. If my partner and I split up, I would never dream of viewing that as a failure

Dolly Parton has joked in the past that the real secret to a happy marriage is to ‘stay gone’ (Getty Images)

Dolly Parton has been sharing the “secret” to her almost 60-year marriage again. She does this approximately once every few years. Not unprompted, obviously. She’s far too classy for that, but it seems that every time she sits down to do an interview she gets asked, and so Dolly graciously answers.

Over the years, she’s told reporters that her 57-year marriage (plus the two years of dating prior to it) to Carl Dean boils down to honesty, respect, sharing a sense of humour and... wait for it... liking each other. Sweet as this sounds, it’s hardly a scoop. Who among us is not looking for honesty, humour, and conviviality in our relationships? I’d wager you’d see these traits listed in some form or another on the majority of people’s dating profiles. Yet journalists can’t stop asking the question: how have you made it work?

Our collective fascination with how two people stay together for nearly 60 years reveals two things, I think. It’s an acknowledgment of the fact that in 2023 it’s unusual to encounter a marriage that has lasted so long. But alongside that there remains the internalised belief that it should.