Season's greetings

Kick-off! Time to pull up the sofa, go get the lager from the fridge and unwrap the prawn sandwiches. The new football season begins in earnest this afternoon when Premiership football starts again.

Kick-off! Time to pull up the sofa, go get the lager from the fridge and unwrap the prawn sandwiches. The new football season begins in earnest this afternoon when Premiership football starts again.

Offside! Hardly; the sun may be shining and our cricketers are still failing to win back The Ashes, but footie fans have waited long enough. Cheer up, though – there's only 500 odd games screened live this season.

Free kick! That's very kind. Even Bolton, Derby County and Everton fans can, until sometime after 3 o'clock this afternoon, enjoy the euphoria of dreamy optimism as they witness their teams level-pegging with the moneybags of Manchester.

Half time! Can't come soon enough for some misguided souls, about to set off on a journey of exploration into the outer reaches of satellite TV for respite. Suddenly that German shopping channel doesn't seem so dull.

Penalty! Possibly. A bit of ducking and lots of diving have to be expected in a game where the commercial prizes are so astronomical.

Extra time! Indeed. With the World Cup looming large next summer, there will be non-stop football until the summer of 2003. You think it's all over... Final Whistle!