Sorry not sorry: When will senior women stop writing emails like this?

Former deputy cabinet secretary Helen MacNamara gave evidence to the Covid inquiry – including emails she wrote to senior officials to argue for extra PPE for women. She was right – so why did she apologise, asks Professor Lucy Easthope

Helen MacNamara wrote an email to the then NHS England chief Simon Stevens, saying: ‘Just when you thought you were out of the woods on annoying emails from me...’ (UK Covid-19 Inquiry/AFP via Gett)

Helen MacNamara’s emails, as revealed by the Covid inquiry, provoked a visceral reaction in me this week. In a screenshot of one of them, addressed to the then NHS England chief Simon Stevens to argue for PPE for women, the former deputy cabinet secretary apologises in the very first line, saying: “Just when you thought you were out of the woods on annoying emails from me...”

Despite making a strong, vital and coherent argument for better Covid protection, (because, she says, most PPE isn’t designed for female bodies, yet the majority of people in need of PPE at the time were women) she finishes with another self-deprecating aside: “I didn’t know who to annoy with this so chose you. But by all means tell me where to better direct my questioning.”

I recognised something so familiar in this behaviour: women who are more than qualified to advise their peers, subordinates or superiors framing their requests or responses in the form of apology. And we don’t just do it to men – but to each other. Emails filled with multiple sorries, deference, self deprecation, caveats such as, “I am probably wrong but...”, even a softening emoji to be sure of removing any remaining sting from the tail.