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Kiss goodbye to your ‘love language’

Are you a ‘gift-giver’, ‘words of affirmation’ person or do you prefer physical touch? Forget all of that, says Franki Cookney – it’s time to completely rethink how we see ourselves in relationships

Monday 22 January 2024 15:39 GMT
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Of course I like being made to feel special with gifts. Who doesn’t? But sometimes it isn’t the response you want or need
Of course I like being made to feel special with gifts. Who doesn’t? But sometimes it isn’t the response you want or need (Getty/iStock)

I’m physical affection, my wife is words of affirmation,” my friend texts me. Over Instagram, a colleague tells me, “I used to be a quality-time girl but lately I’ve been moving towards acts of service.” “Oh my God my boyfriend is such a gift-giver,” laughs my cousin.

I’ve sent out a load of messages to my friends, colleagues and family, asking them if they know what their love languages are. That so many are able to ping me back instantly is not surprising. Everyone from Hollywood stars to Love Island contestants can cite their love languages. You probably know yours, right? Of course you do, you clicked on this article.

In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, allow me to explain: The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate was written in 1992 by Gary Chapman, a Baptist minister from North Carolina. Drawing on his work with couples in his congregation, he outlined five main ways people show love. They comprise acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch, gift-giving and receiving, and quality time.

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