Quotes of the week

We are lads. We have burgled houses and nicked car stereos, and we like girls and swear and take the piss.

Noel Gallagher of the rock group Oasis to `Melody Maker'

If they are owning up generally to burgling, perhaps they would help the police by letting them know which houses and which premises they burgled.

Sir Wyn Roberts, MP for Conwy

Means-testing is one of the greatest engines of fraud ever invented. Frank Field, MP, chairman of Commons all-party social security select committee

It's a bit like comparing plum pudding to caviar.

Lord Hailsham, former Lord Chancellor, asked whether he thought John Major was like Margaret Thatcher, but omitting to say which was which

You might well ask why the dung beetle is included in the endangered species list. But the Environment Department says it should go on the list and so it goes on the list. That does not mean that if one comes across a dung beetle one has to be nice to it.

Lord Ferrers, minister for the environment and countryside