I don’t know about you but I went to bed at midnight on Thursday night, and ever since I’ve had my fingers in my ears going “la la la”, so I’m feeling pretty positive about the election results I’ve seen so far. I’m planning to remain that way, avoiding all media and not talking to anyone who might enlighten me. So, please, nobody spoil it by giving away the ending. I’ve recorded it, see, and I’m saving it up to watch later. Much later. Maybe in about five years’ time.
There are many more reasons to be cheerful, for anyone who needs them, though I don’t see why anyone should. For instance, sales of children’s books went up by 11 per cent in 2014, while sales of celebrity memoirs fell by 7 per cent in the same period. I think that proves that the British people have their heads in the right places and care more about educating children and empathy and the like than they do about tales of riches which ultimately disappoint, don’t you?
It’s also exciting to hear that Captain Kidd’s treasure may have just been found off the coast of Madagascar. According to the country’s president, divers have discovered a 55kg bar of silver. So that’s the deficit sorted, then. In other good news, apparently we won the war 70 years ago, which is nice. And Far From the Madding Crowd is on at the pictures. And The Avengers, if you like that sort of thing.
Babies are nice, and there’s a new one. Only one in the whole country as far as I can tell, but she is a cute one and she’s named after her great grandma, her nanna and her grandpa, so they’ll all be very happy at the moment.
I’ve also heard that Top Gear is about to announce a new team, which will probably include a woman. If the BBC does announce Jodie Kidd as one of its three new presenters, that’ll be about 100 per cent more women than on most BBC panel shows, and we women can convince ourselves that this is great progress.
Speaking of which, we can all be very happy that our bodies are beach ready. At least, those of us who live near a beach.
Here’s some good news I never thought I’d get to report: Amazon has done something nice! It’s scrapped the widget that suggests searching its toys section by gender, meaning that girls and boys will know that all toys are for all children instead of feeling pressured into conforming to stereotype. Perhaps with its new-found social conscience Amazon will soon volunteer to start paying a reasonable amount of corporate tax in Britain, too.
It’s spring. Lilacs are flowering. There’s always cake. And Kylie Minogue songs. And we’re not Greece. And the weather will start getting better from tomorrow. Apart from in Scotland, where it will rain. But something tells me that people in Scotland are going to be just fine.
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