The Top 10: Best Autobiography Titles

From Fay Weldon to Donald Rumsfeld, the cleverest plays on words for the names of memoirs

Memoir of George Lang, restaurateur and ‘raconteur extraordinaire’

We have done worst autobiography titles and obscure titles of political memoirs, and I have been meaning to get round to this one for some time, prompted by Andy Jeal and, finally, by Dan Kelly. I may have been holding back because there is such a thin line between the best and the worst.

1. Coreyography, Corey Feldman. Actor and singer: the voice, aged nine, of Young Copper in The Fox and the Hound, 1981.

2. Auto Da Fay, Fay Weldon. Born Franklin Birkinshaw, author of “Go to work on an egg” and The Life and Loves of a She-Devil, 1983.

3. It’s About A Ball, Alan Ball. Youngest member of England’s 1966 World Cup winning team. Wrote his memoir in 1978.

4. Fourth Among Equals. “By that bloke in the Gang Of Four who wasn’t Jenkins, Owen or Williams,” said Simon James. Bill Rodgers, co-founder of the Social Democratic Party in 1981, now Lord Rodgers of Quarry Bank, 89.

5. Me: Moir, Vic Reeves. Comedian whose real name is Jim Moir. Nominated by Dermot O’Sullivan and CJH.

6. Kind of Blue, Kenneth Clarke. A subtle reference to his love of classic jazz and to his (later) dislike for toeing the Conservative Party line. Suggested by Dan Kelly, Ms Information and James Undy.

7. The Third Man, Peter Mandelson. Simple and clever by the third person in the Tony Blair and Gordon Brown relationship. “Always liked it,” said Tim Sculthorpe.

8. Known and Unknown, Donald Rumsfeld. “Quite a clever title,” said Dan Kelly, referring to the US Defence Secretary’s celebrated observation: “There are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns – the ones we don’t know we don’t know. And if one looks throughout the history of our country and other free countries, it is the latter category that tend to be the difficult ones.” Department of Defence news briefing, 12 February 2002.

9. Tim Book Two, part two of the autobiography of Tim Burgess, lead singer of The Charlatans. “Which is pretty cool,” said someone called Play For Today.

10. Nobody Knows the Truffles I’ve Seen, George Lang (above). Restaurateur, nominated by Robert Wright‏.

Honourable mentions for Paul T Horgan, who nominated Nerd Do Well, by Simon Pegg, actor and comedian, which is very good; Dan Kelly (again) for Coming Up Trumps, by Baroness Trumpington; and Brian Mathieson, for Granny Made Me an Anarchist, by Stuart Christie, who went off to Spain intending to blow up General Franco. Someone also nominated Tainted Life, by Marc Almond of Soft Cell.

And finally, a mention for Joshua Topp, who nominated No Turn Unstoned, not a memoir but a collection of unfavourable theatre reviews compiled by Diana Rigg, the actor.

Next week: People Whose Names Could Be Journeys, such as Derry Irvine

Coming soon: Unexpected Words in Pop Songs, starting with “encumber” (“He would not encumber me”) in “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother”

Your suggestions please, and ideas for future Top 10s, to me on Twitter, or by email to top10@independent.co.uk