Nearly half of people say stress negatively impacts their sex life

45 per cent of adults admit that stress takes its toll on their love life

Sarah Young
Tuesday 20 November 2018 14:47 GMT
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Stress is a very common problem that many of us experience at some point in our lives but, as well as affecting your mental health, it could also be having an impact on your sex life, a new survey has found.

From a tough day at work to exam deadlines and the realities of family life, stress, it seems, is one of the biggest libido killers out there.

According to a recent poll of 2,066 UK adults undertaken by BBC Radio 5 Live, nearly half (45 per cent) of people say that the stress of modern living is taking a toll on their sex life.

Although it is often a way of relieving tension, sex can also be negatively affected by stress, making you less likely to want to be intimate with a partner.

Denise Knowles, a counsellor and sex therapist at Relate, suggests that the findings prove stress is having a greater impact on our lives than we realise.

“At Relate, we often see clients who are so busy juggling multiple responsibilities that sex has slipped down the agenda," she tells The Independent.

"In order to enjoy sex it’s important to be relaxed, which can be tough if you’ve got so many other things demanding your attention. The pressure to have sex when you’re less interested can be increased when your partner seems to want to have sex more than you do.

For those whose love lives are being impacted by stress, Knowles suggests the best place to start is by looking at your general lifestyle to see what changes you can make.

"If you feel you don’t have time to make major changes, there are simple breathing exercises you can do, or you could look up a one minute meditation on your phone, which can be fitted in while you’re waiting for the kettle to boil," she explains.

"This will help you relax, which will make it easier for you to be interested in sex. Talk to your partner about how you’re feeling so they understand that it’s because you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed that you aren’t wanting sex and not because of anything they’ve said or done. Start off with lots of hugs and kisses. This will get you closer in a sensual way which can then increase your enthusiasm for sex. Sex itself can also a great stress reliever after a busy day, as it helps your body release feel good hormones, aiding relaxation.”

Psychosexual therapist, Lisa Etherson, agrees adding that it's important to talk things through with your partner.

“It’s such a difficult question to answer due to the complexity of our lives,” she tells The Independent.

“People have such individual relationships with stress, but I think it is important to have a good honest look at what and where our stresses are coming from and communicate with partners or someone we feel we can talk to”.

Dating and relationship expert, Madeleine Mason, explains that the reason people tend to experience a lower libido when they are stressed is because their bodies are "swamped with cortisol which is part of our so-called 'fight-flight' system".

"When this is on, it shuts down the pleasure and relaxation systems in the body. The last thing on our minds is sex, which is driven by a dopamine (or pleasure) system in the body," she tells The Independent.

"Furthermore, stress often impacts quality of sleep and fatigue is another sex-deterrent. The body will prioritise sleep recovery over sex."

To overcome this, she suggests planning sex-dates with your partner.

"When you set the time aside and spend some quality alone time with your partner, the passion will eventually return," she says.

According to recent research, 85 per cent of UK adults experience stress regularly, so it’s important to find easy solutions to manage it, however mundane the cause may be.

In a bid to alleviate work-related, stress, clinical psychologist Dr Megan Jones Bell, who is also chief science officer at the mindfulness app Headspace, recommends learning mindful skills such as mediation, which you can use in the office to help calm yourself down.

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Mindfulness involves being as conscious as possible of your surroundings and has been said to boost productivity, curb anxiety and even improve romantic relationships.

When conducted properly via things like meditation, mindfulness can elicit feelings of calmness that may enable you to drown out some of the stressful work-related noise in your head.

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