The vulgar court record in Trump’s historic criminal trial

Jaw-dropping phrases from ‘human toilet’ to ‘Donald Von S***zInPantz’ will live on forever after being recorded in the official transcripts of proceedings coming out of Judge Merchan’s Manhattan courtroom

Joe Sommerlad
Wednesday 15 May 2024 16:05 BST
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When Justice Juan Merchan, the judge presiding over Donald Trump’s historic hush money trial in New York, found him in contempt of court for a tenth violation of the gag order, he warned the former president that he could face jail time if he continues to offend.

The judge acknowledged the momentousness of jailing a presidential candidate in an election year but told Mr Trump: “At the end of the day I have a job to do, and part of that job is to protect the dignity of the justice system.”

Unfortunately for Judge Merchan, “dignity” has been a commodity in short supply so far.

During four weeks of testimony at Manhattan Criminal Court about a conspiracy to buy the silence of an adult film star to cover up an alleged affair, jurors have heard from a cast of decidedly colourful characters and the courtroom has been rife with speculation about flatulence and snoring erupting from the defence bench.

In addition to unexpected references to celebrities – Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tiger Woods, Hulk Hogan and Serena Williams – the trial has served up a wave of astonishingly filfthy phrases.

The terms that follow have now been entered into the court records, where they will live on forever as part of the historic first-ever criminal trial of an American president.

‘Donald Von S***zInPantz’

This nasty nickname for Mr Trump was coined by Michael Cohen, his estranged former “fixer” and attorney who went on to become the prosecution’s star witness.

The crude name had to be entered into the public record after Mr Trump’s attorney, Todd Blanche, read aloud one of Cohen’s X posts using it on 2 May, with the defence arguing that the offending post was a reason to lift the former president’s gag order to empower him to retaliate.

“Everybody can say anything they want, except for President Trump,” Mr Blanche complained to Judge Merchan, before presenting a number of Cohen’s social media posts taunting his old boss.

“This one says, oh my, ‘S****InPantz’,” the lawyer said, as he displayed a screenshot of the X post from 24 April.

Judge Juan Merchan presiding over Donald Trump's trial at Manhattan Criminal Court on Tuesday 23 April 2024
Judge Juan Merchan presiding over Donald Trump's trial at Manhattan Criminal Court on Tuesday 23 April 2024 (Elizabeth Williams/AP)

“Keep whining, crying and violating the gag order you petulant defendant,” Mr Blanche continued, still quoting Cohen’s post.

Another comment from the same source two days prior read out by Mr Blanche said: “Hey Von S****InPantz… Your attacks on me stink of desperation. We are all hoping that you take the stand in your defence.”

Cohen later took to X to vow to refrain from posting further about the case until after his testimony in the trial is complete “out of respect for Judge Merchan and the prosecutors”.

‘Human toilet’

The above phrase was the next to be entered into the offical transcript when it cropped up during Stormy Daniels’ time on the stand, where she testified about the alleged sexual encounter she had with Mr Trump in a Lake Tahoe hotel room in 2006.

During her second day of testimony on 9 May, the adult film star was confronted by Trump attorney Susan Necheles about her response to the attacks she suffered from angry Trump supporters on social media.

The defense lawyer argued that the witness had boasted at one stage that she would be “instrumental” in putting the former president behind bars.

Trump attorney Susan Necheles cross-examines Stormy Daniels on Tuesday 7 May 2024
Trump attorney Susan Necheles cross-examines Stormy Daniels on Tuesday 7 May 2024 (Jane Rosenberg/Reuters)

“Show me where I said will be instrumental in putting Trump in jail,” Ms Daniels fired back.

In response, Ms Necheles pulled up some tweets including one in which someone had written, in the hope of disparaging the trial: “Michael Cohen and Stormy Daniels aka THE HUMAN TOILET are their star witnesses.”

‘Orange turd’

How did Ms Daniels’ respond to the above insult on X?

With a post of her own, saying: “Exactly! Making me the best person to flush the orange turd down.”

Under cross-examination, she was asked to elaborate on her post.

She explained with a smirk: “Pretty sure that it’s hyperbole, if someone calls me a toilet, that I can flush somebody. I’m also not a toilet.”

Not satisfied by this clarification, Ms Necheles persisted: “I’m asking you what you mean when you said orange turd.”

“I absolutely meant Mr Trump,” Ms Daniels answered, before, commendably, accusing the lawyer of trying to put words in her mouth “because it doesn’t say being instrumental”.

‘Make America Horny Again’

When the story about Mr Trump’s alleged infidelity and its coverup first broke in early 2018, Ms Daniels happened to be in the midst of a nationwide tour of strip clubs under the title “Make America Horny Again” – an obvious parody of Mr Trump’s signature campaign slogan.

Ms Daniels was asked about that too by Ms Necheles, as the defence tried to argue that the adult film star had profited repeatedly from her story about the former president.

“I did not name that tour and I fought it tooth and nail,” Ms Daniels testified, noting that contracts were already in place so it proved impossible.

Stormy Daniels testifies at Trump’s trial on Thursday 9 May 2024
Stormy Daniels testifies at Trump’s trial on Thursday 9 May 2024 (Elizabeth Williams/AP)

Ms Necheles next presented a flyer with a photo of Ms Daniels and Mr Trump together at the celebrity golf tournament at which they met, with the tagline: “HE SAW HER LIVE. YOU CAN TOO!”

“I never reposted anything with this photo,” Ms Daniels said. “I never used that tagline. I hated it.”

The defense attorney countered: “You were selling yourself to people who hated President Trump, as someone who could get President Trump indicted?”

“These are strip club patrons who are fans of my work,” the witness answered, pointedly refusing to lose her cool.

‘Crying little s***’

When Cohen finally took the stand, he was asked by Mr Blanche on Tuesday 14 May about some of the insults he had dished out during his podcast appearances and on social media.

“On 23 April, after the trial started in this case, you went on TikTok and called me a ‘crying little s***’, didn’t you?” Mr Blanche said to Cohen.

“Sounds like something I would say,” the witness replied.

Trump attorney Todd Blanche cross-examines Michael Cohen on Tuesday 14 May 2024
Trump attorney Todd Blanche cross-examines Michael Cohen on Tuesday 14 May 2024 (Elizabeth Williams/AP)

Before Mr Blanche could continue, Judge Merchan called him to the bench, out of earshot of the courtroom and the jury.

According to a court transcript, the judge asked the advocate: “Why are you making this about yourself?”

Before sending counsel back to their tables, he reminded Mr Blanche: “Just don’t make this about yourself.”

‘Dictator Douchebag’

This was another of the choice phrases Cohen was confronted with, also a nickname for Mr Trump.

Again, the witness did not deny saying it, nor calling the defendant a “boorish cartoon misogynist” and a “Cheeto-dusted cartoon villain” for that matter.

Mr Blanche then pulled up a website showing merchandise from Cohen’s Mea Culpa podcast, including a T-shirt with a photo of Mr Trump wearing an orange jumpsuit behind bars, a “Convict 45” sticker and a mug emblazoned with the slogan: “Send him to the big house, not the White House.”

Cohen clarified that he was not personally selling this merchandise, although arguably Mr Blanche did make his point about the witness harbouring animosity towards his client loud and clear.

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