Dear Vix: Are these worrying symptoms a sign of dementia?

The Independent’s agony aunt Victoria Richards is on holiday. This week, agony uncle Tom is standing in with a special edition for Dementia Awareness Week. Keep emailing dearvix@independent.co.uk for advice on love, work, family and relationships and she’ll be back on 5 June

Dear Tom,

I’m at a crossroads in my life and in need of some guidance. I’ve been married to my wife for 50 years. We met at a party in 1971 and have been inseparable, ever since. We’ve raised three tremendous kids together. My wife is a former nurse. She’s compassionate, caring and tirelessly selfless, but over the last year she’s been experiencing some disturbing changes and I’m now very worried about her.

We moved to a new home a little over a year ago and it wasn’t too long afterwards that these changes started. At first, she couldn’t read the headlines of newspapers, which was strange as she could read the smaller text just fine. She said the words looked ‘jumbled up’. She went to the optician ,but they couldn’t say what the problem was. A few months later, she reversed the car into the garage wall. She’s lost her confidence – so now either stays at home or asks for me to give her a lift. She’s also suffered with depression for a while now too, but the medications or talking therapies aren’t making a difference.

She’s finding it increasingly hard to read. She can’t do any household admin, like paying the bills, because she can’t read them anymore. She’s never been dyslexic and has always been an avid book reader, so I’m worried that if there’s nothing wrong with her eyes, then perhaps there could be something going on in her brain instead?

My sister-in-law said she heard of a type of dementia that starts with problems with vision and has urged me to persuade my wife to go and see her GP. She’s terrified of what they might say and together with her depression, she’s having real trouble making the appointment. She keeps saying she’ll do it tomorrow, but then tomorrow comes and goes and nothing happens.

I certainly don’t want to cause my wife more distress but we can’t go on like this. We need answers. How do I make my wife see that going to the GP will help to provide answers and get her any support she might need?

Worried

Dear Worried,

Firstly, let me say I hear you loud and clear. You’ve raised a family and been side-by-side with your wife for over 50 years, so to see her experiencing these changes without an obvious explanation must be incredibly difficult and stressful.

It is understandable that your wife might be fearful of what the doctors may find. It’s very common to want to pretend, at least for a while, that everything is fine. However, if her condition continues to get worse then at some point she will have no choice but to face it – and the sooner this happens, the quicker she can get any treatment or support that might be available.

It’s really important to say that until your wife gets a proper assessment and diagnosis, we don’t know what might be causing her symptoms. Problems with vision and low mood are very common, particularly as people get older. However, in answer to your question about dementia, there is indeed a type that mostly causes problems with vision during its early stages. It doesn’t tend to cause problems with memory and thinking at first, which means that it’s rarely picked up early as a type of dementia and is often diagnosed as something else for several years before the person eventually gets a correct diagnosis. It’s called posterior cortical atrophy, or PCA.

The most important thing though is that your wife takes the next step and sees her GP. Until she gets a diagnosis, neither of you will know what’s happening or how you’re supposed to cope with these changes. If it does turn out to be a problem with the brain, such as PCA, then most people with this condition say that they wish they’d been able to get a diagnosis earlier. Obviously, it’s not a diagnosis that anyone would ever choose to have. However, if someone does have the condition then getting an early and accurate diagnosis can help her get the support she needs, rather than continuing to live in fear of the unknown and waiting for an inevitable crisis to happen.

If you want to know more about PCA or other rarer types of dementia, you can call a support line such as the Alzheimer’s Society, which has dedicated dementia advisors who can listen to your situation and provide advice on the best course of action for both of you. You can also use a symptoms checklist to help you know how to talk to your family GP – or to help your wife talk to them about how she’s been feeling.

Facing the unknown is never easy, but remember – you are doing the right thing in supporting your wife and seeking advice. It may be the first step in this journey, but it is the most crucial one and I wish you all the best for whatever the future may hold.

Tom (standing in for Vix)

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