If Donald Trump delivered his own inauguration speech on Twitter...

‘Scrap ugly wind turbines ripping Scotland apart and ruining views from golf hotels. Madness!!!’

Donald Trump will make his first speech as US President at his inauguration ceremony tomorrow (Getty)

Donald J. Trump
@realDonaldTrump

Hey people, get used to it, it’s not a bad dream, this is happening! Already sworn in by Chief Justice John Roberts so now officially 45th President! WILD!!!

11.32 AM - 20 Jan 2017

Donald J. Trump
@realDonaldTrump

Roberts a total doofus btw. Cast his Supreme Ct swing vote to save Obamacare which I’m going to scrap. Affordable Care Act an outstanding replacement which will take up all the slack #GoACA

11.33 AM - 20 Jan 2017

Donald J. Trump
@realDonaldTrump

Obama Worst President EVER but not a bad guy. Thanks to @POTUS for being so nice to me (Michelle also nice to Melania) since my unpresidented landslide win. Hope he’ll be happy back home in Mombasa! #phoneybirthcertificate

11.35 AM - 20 Jan 2017

Donald J. Trump
@realDonaldTrump

But Obama isn’t @POTUS now, I am. @Kellyannepolls, get that America’s Got Talent girl to entertain the crowd while I change my Twitter profile. I’m supersmart so it won’t take long!!!

11.37 AM - 20 Jan 2017

Donald J. Trump
@realPOTUS

Wasn’t she fabulous? Everyone give it up for Jackie Thingummyjig. No obscure nebbishes at my inaug like loser Obama’s!!! #whoneedsAretha #suckitupBeyonce

2.17PM- 20 Jan 2017

Donald J. Trump
@realPOTUS

Such tremendous plans for next 4 years. Last 4 under affirmative action Precedent a total disaster (terrible for jobs, disgraceful Iran deal, lack of precedential dignity). But Obama’s gone and I’m in. Orange is the new black!

2.19 PM - 20 Jan 2017

Donald J. Trump
@realPOTUS

Speaking of lesbo inmates, a big shout out to Hillary Clinton. So good to see you here today, Hillary, and look forward to catching up with your news on visitors’ day! #lockherup

2.21 PM - 20 Jan 2017

Donald J. Trump
@realPOTUS

Totally biased @CNN claiming there was something in brilliant inaug speech (which I wrote myself!) about putting Hillary in gaol. Sleazy liars! NEVER SAID IT. No wonder irrelevant @CNN ratings down the pan!!

2.22 PM - 20 Jan 2017

Donald J. Trump
@realPOTUS

Kids, it means the world to have you here today. Ivanka, you’ll be wonderful 1st Lady. Tiffany – it is Tiffany, right? – I love you. Barron, now I’m POTUS you’ll have more frogs than you have time to pull the legs off …

2.23 PM- 20 Jan 2017

Donald J. Trump
@realPOTUS

… and Uday and Qusay (my nicknames for Donald Jnr and Eric; cute huh?) you’ll be so great running the businesses while I’m Prez. Especially you Donald. Eric not so bright. On his good days he’s Biff Loman!!! #getEricDNAtested

2.25 PM- 20 Jan 2017

Donald J. Trump
@realPOTUS

Today also special for me because I swore on holy bible to protect US Constitution I love. And I WILL protect it. Believe me, I’ll protect every bit of it!!!!

2.28 PM - 20 Jan 2017

Donald J. Trump
@realPOTUS

Failing fake news site Buzzfeed claims I suggested Eric dumb. Isn’t it crazy, I’m worth billions, employ thousands, yet libeled by sleazy morons! I’ll make it so easy to sue media reptiles even if it means scrapping 1st Amendment!!!

2.32 PM - 20 Jan 2017

Donald J. Trump
@realPOTUS

Unlike Eric my IQ is one of the highest (sorry losers and haters but you all know it!!!) so foreign affairs much easier for me than dishonest media scum pretend. Key thing: prioritising ….

2.34 PM - 20 Jan 2017

Donald J. Trump
@realPOTUS

1) Scrap ugly wind turbines ripping Scotland apart and ruining views from golf hotels. Madness! If @AlexSalmond and @NicolaSturgeon (gross; scarier than Kathy Bates in Misery) play hardball, I’ll send Pacific fleet to North Sea to negotiate!!!

2.36 PM - 20 Jan 2017

Donald J. Trump
@realPOTUS

2) Improve relations with Russia. I could care less what the bedwetters (no, not Olga and Ekaterina in Room 279. Never happened! THEY DON’T EXIST!!) think about Vladimir Putin. We’re going to shower Kremlin with love #goldenrelationship

2.39 PM - 20 Jan 2017

Donald J. Trump
@realPOTUS

3) We’re going to build a beautiful wall on the southern border, and who’s going to pay? Yeah, that’s right, Mexico. Or us. Almost certainly us. But Mexico’ll get a $25bn bill to stick in its bottom drawer until I’m gone.

2.41 PM - 20 Jan 2017

Donald J. Trump
@realPOTUS

For years our country has been divided and angry but THAT WILL CHANGE!!! We need to end the bitterness and recrimination to Make America Great Again!!! We’ll learn to forgive and forget, and unite #turntheothercheek

2.43 PM - 20 Jan 2017

Donald J. Trump
@realPOTUS

I’m going to put fat disgusting Rosie O’Donnell in the same cell as Hillary Clinton. And WORST ACTRESS Meryl Streep. And sad loser Selina Scott. Also pathetic failure Alec Baldwin who’ll have to watch! #cruelandunsualpunishment

2.45 PM - 20 Jan 2017

Donald J. Trump
@realPOTUS

In conclusion, we’re going to start winning big again by putting our interests first, and not foreign countries like dumbass Obama!!!! So drink to new Prez with a traditional toast in the greatest country on earth. Nostrovia!!!!!!!

2.50 PM - 20 Jan 2017