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The Top 10: More Moose Allain Jokes

As is traditional at this time of year, a round-up of one-liners from one of Twitter’s finest

John Rentoul
Saturday 24 March 2018 13:26 GMT

I’m away this weekend, so I leave you with some of the jokes recently manufactured by the brilliant Moose Allain. Follow him on Twitter! Buy his stuff!

1. Imagine being at the baggage carousel and slowly realising you’ve got the shoddiest luggage there. That’s the worst case scenario.

2. I’ve never been a cannibal before, but I thought I’d try my hand.

3. My ventriloquist dummy knows how to keep his mouth shut, I’ll say that for him.

4. “You’re rubbish at acting and we’re not going to support you.” Negative Equity.

5. Welcome to Feng Shui Club, and I’m very happy to accept the position of the chair.

6. Waterman, Waterman. Does whatever a watering can.

7. Identifying the fourth German sausage: that’s my worst fear.

8. If you want to learn how to drive a steamroller you need to take evening classes.

9. “I’d love to hear a musical arrangement of a blackbird’s song.” “Orchestral?” “No, just a blackbird.”

10. Every four frogs there’s a leap frog.

Previous collections of Twitter jokes are here, here and here.

Next week: Songs on Albums That Don’t Sound Like the Others, such as “Interstellar Overdrive” from Pink Floyd’s Piper at the Gates of Dawn

Coming soon: Unrealistic Clichés in TV Dramas, such as someone leaning against a door after closing it

Your suggestions please, and ideas for future Top 10s, to me on Twitter, or by email to

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