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Freshers' Week 2015: The 13 types of housemates you'll meet in student halls and how to deal with them

Take note: you too will fit into one of the below categories

Lizzi Hart
Friday 04 September 2015 13:09
'The mess' takes sixth place
'The mess' takes sixth place

It’s inevitable. Your swanky new university halls (they’re not going to be swanky or new, but still) will boast a plethora of different students.

Hailing from different backgrounds, cultures, and countries, you’re bound to come across all kinds of opinions on the fundamental aspects of university, such as washing up and taking out the bins. It’s for this very reason that you need to be prepared.

So, if you’re heading into student accommodation later this month, here is a brief insight into the 13 types of housemates you’re bound to come across, and how to deal with them. (NB: You are also one of the below):

1) The neat-freak

This housemate will well and truly suffer, unless living with fellow dust-invaders, because university students are not clean. Being used to a certain standard of cleanliness at home will help in the ‘real world’, but will leave this person angry and frustrated over others’ lower standards.

Solution: Compliment their cleanliness, don’t be disgusting, but also don’t take their rants personally.

2) The ghost

Who knows where they are? They might be a silent room-dweller, or just a social butterfly, but you’ll probably never see them.

Solution: If you ever see them, greet them in a friendly manner – they might just be shy (or think you stole their wok and will never forgive you, ever).

3) The spends-too-long-on-Reddit prankster

It’s uni. You live with your mates, and the internet exists. Nothing could breed pranks more that this lethal combination, so watch out for this one. How to spot? They’ll film anything and everything on their phone, hoping something will make them internet-famous.

Solution: Watch your back.

4) The passive-aggressive note-writer

Someone’s been taking calligraphy classes, because this note is as sassy as Papyrus font. Any slight annoyance will be noted by this person, such as: unused microwave time, mug re-organisation, and gastronomic theft.

Solution: They either want you to put it on Twitter, or rise to the bait – so ignore it (or engage in a nine month-long battle of notes).

5) The machine

Somewhere nearby, someone has entered the university system with the intention to actually learn. This person will either be storming through the optional reading for the week, or writing their dissertation two years early. Weird.

Solution: Leave them to it, but never compare yourself to them (unless you get a better grade, obviously).

6) The mess

This person either doesn’t care, or doesn’t notice mess. They are immune to feelings of disgust as they sit down to watch TV surrounded by mould spores, food matter, and crumpled sweaty socks.

Solution: As arch-enemy of number one, approach with caution. But do confront them and ask them to be more considerate in communal areas. Also, maybe hide your kitchen stuff.

7) The borrower

“Can I borrow…?” - let me stop you there. With this type of person, ‘borrow’ means ‘take to the grave’. Sadly, you won’t find this out until you’ve lost four tops and a pair of kitchen tongs, but it’s still worth looking out for.

Solution: Either buy double of everything (pricey) or say no (but nicely).

8) The raver

Don’t expect to find this person curled up on the sofa at 10pm because they will be out every night of the week. This might sound bearable but when they’re home, expect loud music during pre-drinks and clumsy stumbles to bed in the early hours.

Solution: Join them when you can – because it’s uni, after all – but also buy earplugs for your early nights.

9) The chilled one

They might just be really laid-back, or they’re smoking something funky, but this type of person is super-easy to get on with. Saying that though, they’re difficult to whip into shape. Also – they’ve almost definitely taken a gap year.

Solution: If it really bothers you, confront them about their laziness. But don’t expect too much.

10) The sensible one

They’ll probably be tucked up in bed with a good book and a camomile tea each night, and will avoid sticky student club nights at all costs. They’ll also be the one to shout at you during your drunken pilgrimage to bed.

Solution: Don’t give up on them and don’t be horrible. Everyone’s different and they might just be shy. They also may hate you.

11) The last-minute one

Much like number eight, the night is their playground – except they’re not having fun. They’re writing a 3,000 word lab report due tomorrow at 12pm – and it’s 3am (but they’ve got ages, right?)

Solution: Bring them snacks and coffee.

12) The relentless procrastinator

This type of person will probably be a number 11 too, but their procrastination often goes too far. One day they’ll be bingeing on Netflix, the next they’ll be learning to juggle. Then the day after that, they’ll be designing the ultimate corridor slip’n’slide.

Solution: Join them for a bit, but then say you need to do work. It might remind them to do the same – or just go back to juggling.

13) The culinary wizard

Perhaps they enjoy cooking as a form of procrastination, or they’re just obsessed with food. Either way, do not complain because they’ll probably offer you tasters. Yum.

Solution: Be their friend because good food at uni is rare.

Lizzi Hart is linguistics graduate from the University of Sussex and a part-time marketing assistant at the Graduate Recruitment Bureau. She also hates cats.

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