Unsuitable Jobs for Wimmin

Female? Want to be a bishop? 'Fraid not...

Australia's first female Bishop is ordained in Perth (Getty)

It’s great being a working woman
climbing the ladder all the way to the top.
Till I bumped my head on the glass
and went toppling off.
Thump! Ouch! Crash!

But like a bike or a horse
best get back on and aim onwards.
Though I took a year out to have a baby
my career progression
and salary
have had a little fluctuation
backwards.

Unsuitable jobs for wimmin.
They’re unsuitable jobs for wimmin.

So on I went
Googling through the internet
to find myself my dream career
(though I did also spend a few hours here or there
on Mumsnet.)

I saw a job advert for a Target Elimination Specialist.
I'd be like James Bond
instead of Miss Moneypenny
which did briefly interest me.
But I’ve seen Skyfall.
I know what happens to Dame Judi!

Unsuitable jobs for wimmin.
They’re unsuitable jobs for wimmin.

Then I saw a job for the C of E
‘Bishop vacancies!
Must like wearing robes, choirs
and drinking tea.
No Bishop agencies please’.

Well, I thought, I have an M & S dressing gown
I adored Gareth Malone
in The Choir.
I can’t start my day without a cup of Yorkshire Tea.
They will definitely hire
me.

So I sent off my CV
applying to be
a Bishop.
But the C of E Laity
(which I thought was an Italian coffee,
very milky)
said no.
Because I don’t have a winky.

Unsuitable jobs for wimmin.
They’re unsuitable jobs for wimmin.

This infuriated me.
Those sexist misogynist sods!
Though to be fair
I also don’t believe in God.

But I do believe in wimmin
and our right to choose
to be a Bishop.

Then I heard there was a job going at the BBC
so again I sent off my CV.
‘Hobbies & Interests: making fun of Downton Abbey’.
But I still didn’t get the job
of DG.
(But I forgive them
because my baby loves Cbeebies).

So I thought, if I can’t be
a Bishop of the C of E
or DG of the BBC
then I’d better apply to be
the Governor of the Bank of England
immediately.

Such a great job.
My men in the office would have to call me ‘the Guv’
Instead of ‘Alright love?’
Their term of endearment
also used at the girls in Spearmint
Rhinos where the men had last year’s Xmas party.
(Sob.)

I didn’t even get an interview
but I was happy it went to Mariah Carey
American songbird.
Turned out I’d misheard.
The new Guv is Mark Carney.
Canadian.

Unsuitable jobs for wimmin.
They’re unsuitable jobs for wimmin.