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7 best quiet vibrators for all the fun without the noise

Put an end to embarrassing chats over the breakfast table with one of these top-rated gadgets

Rebecca Reid
Tuesday 03 August 2021 16:59
<p>Nothing is less sexy than worrying that people can hear the buzz of your toy through paper-thin walls</p>

Nothing is less sexy than worrying that people can hear the buzz of your toy through paper-thin walls

There have been very few good things about the last 12 months – but one positive to come out of the pandemic is the boom to the sex toy industry.

During lockdown, sex toy retailers reported an astronomic rise in people shopping for vibrators and various other adult toys. And really, who could be surprised? When you’re stuck at home with nothing to do, enjoying a new sex toy is about the best way you can spend a Friday night.

But not all of us live alone and therefore buying a toy sometimes comes with a side order of worry. Whether it’s your parents, your housemates or even your partner, nothing is less sexy than worrying that people can hear the buzz of your vibrator.

This is why searches for silent sex toys have gone through the roof: you can’t enjoy masturbation if you’re stressed about being discovered.

So we’ve put together a list of the quietest vibrators on the market, all of which would be undetectable, even if you live in an old house with paper-thin walls, or your bedroom is sandwiched between your housemates’.

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In order to determine how silent these toys were, we (unsurprisingly) turned them on and gave them a listen. Anything which was notably noisy to start with was immediately discarded. We then tried putting the sex toys on the bed and under a duvet before listening to them from next door. All of the toys included were impossible to hear through a bog-standard, new-build wall. We also tried leaving the toys on while the shower was running and none of them could be heard beyond the bathroom walls.

A quiet sex toy that doesn’t work is of no use to anyone, so all the toys included here were assessed not just on how little noise they made, but also for their ability to pack a proper punch. Here are our favourites.

The best silent vibrators for 2021 are:

  • Best overall – Hot Octopuss amo bullet: £49.95, Hotoctupuss.com
  • Best for powerful vibrations – We-Vibe tango X: £79, We-vibe.com
  • Best butt plug – Lovehoney jewelled metal beginner’s butt plug: £22.99, Lovehoney.co.uk
  • Best wearable vibrator – Evolved silicone finger vibrator: £28.99, Amazon.co.uk
  • Best for use with a partner – Lelo tiani 2: £113.05, Lelo.com
  • Best budget option – Loving Joy mini g-spot vibrator: £5.85, Amazon.co.uk
  • Best rabbit vibrator – Je Joue fifi rabbit vibrator: £90, Jejoue.co.uk

Hot Octopuss amo bullet

Best: Overall

The best thing about this bullet is that it’s basically silent. Unless it’s right by your ear, you’re not going to be able to hear it. The second best thing is that it’s completely waterproof. If you’re really paranoid about being overheard and it’s ruining your chances of reaching orgasm, waterproof toys are your friend. You can use this vibrator in the shower or bath and, between the silent motor and the noise of running water, there’s not a chance that you’re going to be overheard – extra useful if your bedroom door doesn’t have a lock but your bathroom does. As a little bonus, you can remove gendered language while shopping the brand’s website at the click of a button.

We-Vibe tango X

Best: For powerful vibrations

The tango X is the least silent of the silent vibrators because it’s one of the most powerful bullets on the market. We-Vibe has combined deep, rumbling vibrations – the kind that you need if orgasms can be elusive – with the quietest possible noise levels. It’s still quiet enough that if you were using it underneath a duvet, no-one would be able to hear it through the walls. You could confidently use it while sharing a house with other people and be sure that you wouldn’t get any odd looks at breakfast – but if you’re after total silence, you might prefer a slightly less-powerful toy.

Lovehoney jewelled metal beginner’s butt plug

Best: Butt plug

If you want to give your sex life a bit of a spark but even the quietest vibrators are too noisy for you, consider a non-electronic toy. Butt plugs are a perfect way to turn ordinary sex into extremely naughty sex. They come in a variety of sizes and, as you could probably have guessed, it’s a good idea to start small and work your way up. Having something inside your anus can stimulate your prostate if you have one, or help to stimulate your g-spot during penetrative sex if you’ve got one of those. Either way, it intensifies sex. This one is a perfect size – not too small, not too large. It’s metal, which gives it a bit of weight, and it’s pretty, which is a nice bonus.

Evolved silicone finger vibrator

Best: Wearable vibrator

This toy is incredibly quiet and is the perfect thing to bring into the bedroom if you’re part of a couple suffering from a Covid-related dry spell. The idea is that you wear it on one finger and use it to touch and tease each other. You can also include it during penetrative sex to help promote mutual orgasms. It’s also rechargeable, negating the need for that “shall we take the batteries out of the remote” conversation.

Lelo tiani 2

Best: For use with a partner

If you’re looking for a toy to use with your partner but you don’t live alone, the Lelo tiani 2 is your best bet. It is not cheap but what price can you really put on mutual orgasms? The Tiani is the toy I would suggest for couples who have had children and are now trying to focus some energy on their romantic life. It makes sex more intense for both partners and is designed to involve the clitoris in penetrative sex. The vibration is whisper-quiet so there isn’t any worry of being overhead (as long as you can keep your own noises to an appropriate level, that is).

Loving Joy mini g-spot vibrator

Best: Budget option

Often cheaper sex toys can be louder, as if you’re paying extra for discretion. But this g-spot vibrator is genuinely pretty much silent, while still packing an impressive punch. You need to buy your own batteries and it doesn’t have lots of complicated vibration settings, but it’s a powerful and silent toy for £7.99. You really can’t ask for any more than that. The brand’s bullets are also impressively small on price but somehow really close to silent.

Je Joue fifi rabbit vibrator

Best: Rabbit vibrator

Rabbit vibrators are an enduring classic because they combine vaginal and clitoral stimulation in a way which many people who struggle to orgasm find extremely enjoyable. There are those all over the world who thought orgasms weren’t possible until they discovered the rabbit. Unfortunately, they tend to be on the louder side because both the shaft and the “ears” vibrate, doubling the noise.

Je Joue is a tasteful, grown-up brand that makes elegant toys and the Fifi rabbit is the most silent rabbit-style toy on the market. It’s not completely noiseless but, if you were using it in bed underneath a duvet, or with music on, no-one in another room would be able to hear it. It’s got a variety of speeds – at the top end it’s more audible but on the lower settings, it’s whisper quiet.

The verdict: Silent vibrators

Trying to masturbate in a home where you don’t have complete and total privacy is a stressful experience but the Hot Octopus bullet should enable you to have the confidence to explore your body without worrying anyone will know what you’ve been doing. Having a waterproof toy that you can use with the shower running and the door locked might be the perfect way to build up your confidence. It’s a powerful toy with a great variety of settings and a cleverly designed shape – it’s the perfect investment for someone who wants to explore masturbation or supercharge their sex life.

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For more products to boost your sexual confidence read our review of the best online lingerie shops

IndyBest product reviews are unbiased, independent advice you can trust. On some occasions, we earn revenue if you click the links and buy the products, but we never allow this to bias our coverage. The reviews are compiled through a mix of expert opinion and real-world testing.

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